lost

i don't know how to begin this blog... i've just receive a quite shocking news... i think i'm about to loose a friend...

i didn't realize the signs. some ppl said she is not herself anymore, but since i rarely met her i refuses to believe what other ppl had said bout her, cos she's such a dear friend to me. all this time i thought her face didn't look 'morning fresh' cos the result of a bad hair day, or bad hair cut, but... i was wrong and those ppl were right about her, she not herself, she's change..in a bad way. all this time she kept it a secret from me because she knew i would somehow oppossed. this is one of the time when i regret having a strong personality, sometimes it can drive ppl away from me. i do wanna help her, but i just don't how? and i just don't know how to gain her trust?

i don't know why as i get older it's getting harder for me to find a friend, true friendship that is? sometimes i wonder...am i a bad person? or am i just 'terlalu kaku'?

oh yeah, another bad news just came from home the first one is that my auntie suffers from breast cancer (stadium 3) and my garderner/driver/ security just got an motorcycle accident (my mom said nothing serious just a couple of bruises). this is going to be a tough semester for me, i just hope i can manage.

me and my little friend

hi there, i feel awful today, cos i had to lied to the whole bunch of ppl. plus i'm worried about my bank account, what if.. someone who had my wallet find out how to break the code and....ough..i couldn't and i don't wanna think about it..

the thougt of it has been buzzing around all day in my head, so i thought a nice day in the pool could chill it off... and boy, it really chill it off -literaly-... the water was freezing, should've known better not to go for a swim in this kind of weather (it's autumn in bne.red). but after a few strokes i didn't really mind the water temp and i might have another go b4 semester break's over.

well anyway, i've finally can chat with W, we haven't seen each other for centuries... and that's really rewarding, as if i forgot i had a probs....

the easter bunny

happy easter everyone >_<

i'm still upset because i lost my wallet, but this morning my mom reminded me that's it's just material, and i should be more gratefull that i am alive and well.

well, anyway i'm still gloomy because of other reason. gue still expecting him yg sudah jelas tidak akan menjadi 'deket' karena dia nun jauh di sana. oh well...

the song of the year...

helo there, something awful just happened huhuhu... i've lost my wallet. yep, i almost lost my brand new sunnies a few weeks ago, now i lost my wallet for real !!! well, i guess i just had to let it go... buang sial, orang jawa bilang. syedich, shock, gue masih lemes. i'm getting more and more careless lately.

but despite the awful tradegy, i found the perfect song of the year for me (altough this song's been released last year.red). it's called I BELIEVE by Yolanda Adams and it goes like this:


They said you wouldn't make it so far a a
And ever since they've said it its been hard
But never mind that night'cha had to cry
Cause you had never let it go inside
You worked real hard and you know exactly what you want and need so believe
And you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say

I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe

Your fools are justes singing, your soul aha
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your moind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine leave all of your kiss and stress behind and
Just let it go
Let the music go inside against all the pain
It just start to believe

I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe

Never mind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all my hopes and dreams I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up, i'll keep it up
Looking to the sky
I will achieve on my knees
I will always believe

yep i do believe that someday, i would go places, esp new orleans, Brazill and Italy, be a working mom that still have time for my kids (athena predict that i got 4 kids, boy-girl-girl-boy.red). i wished that in search for the future husband just as easy as matching athena's prediction huhuhuhuhu...
and about the places, i wanted to go to new orleans because of the Jazzy things that's been going on over there, the reason for brazill is just that i love the lighthouse family song-lost in space, and they're shooting their vclip in Rio, and i've been wanting to go there ever since, and i wanted to go to italy since the day i could remember 'mbah putri' (my father's mother.red). my dad used to lived there when he was a child. well, i guess since i've never seen 'mbah putri' (she passed away just 1 month b4 i was born.red) i've always wanted to know what she's like, what she used to do, and go to places she's been. i miss her. okay i better stop b4 it gets too emotional huhuhuhu.... c ya

the Valcor Enterprise

hello there, masih dalam rangka b-day week nih... walaupun sudah lewat, cuman gue masih seneng ajah.. anyway gue cuman mau cerita soal ulang taun huhuhu.. soalnya yg taun ini kayaknya the best ever.

the reason are: 1st it's full of surprises, 2nd because i've celebrated it 24hr nonstop, 3rd because i've received a surprise sms yg cukup membuat gue yg udah excited ini menjadi hiperaktif, 4th two of my friends which i haven't been in contact for so long give me a call... i really appreciate the time and efford, considering they both lived outside bne.
ulang taun kali ini berkesan bgt buat gue, soalnya smuanya serba spontan, no plans, org2 cuman dateng ajah ke apt. i had a good time serving them as my guest, and i think my guests had a good time staying at my place (GR.red).

the dream interpreter

i can't believe it, this is only been week 2 and i already got a migrain. i've got to admit though, tuesday and thursday is the most busiest day of the week. i probably shouldn't try to push my shecdule like i've done... but i thought what i took this semester is important demi kemajuan bangsa dan negara (apa sih?).

well, good news, i talked to miss K and she said, my dreams just simply what's instore in my consious mind.

record deals

well, to be honest it got nothing to do with record deals as in signing contract with a record company... it's just the same as any of my other blog entries huhuhu... the titles just there for no reason at all...

i'm so tired today, i got a night class, then i walk home by 8.20, and still got a lot of cleaning to do, plus cooking, yep, i tried to cook my own food this year, despite the taste... i had to save money, what for u asked? i do not now for sure, i might use it for travell. oh yeah, i remembered now, i oughta save for the reunion in HongKong with Meng, Wiki, Athena and hopefully Ton. i know..it's too far for reunion but hey, the person who brought us together is Wiki and she lived in HongKong, so.. i don't really mind actually. and this time it's going to came out from my own wallet. yep, i've oughta be more independent.

i just had another strange dream last night... 1st i was in a dance class, which is so impossible, because koordinasi tangan dan kaki gue kurang bagus, 2nd a man hold me and lift me up which again is so impossible because i'm too heavy even to be push aside. 3rd, that man knows me and i guess we haven't met each other for a long time, judging by the feels of his arms when he hold me, i don't know any guy who had perasaan kangen kayak gitu ke gue (gue gitu lho.red). i guess i needed a dream dictionary after all. i saw one of that once when i was strolling with M in one fine afternoon in the South Jakarta. oh well, as long it's not a nightmare, i wouldn't mind. oh.. and another thing, i can't seem to remember the his face who is my dance partner. i wonder what that means? sometimes i wonder since i can feel what other feel tanpa disengaja... jgn2 sebenarnya ada yg kangen berat ama gue??? hahahahahaha sebaiknya gue secepatnya menyingkirkan perasaan itu, GR BERAT bo' soalnya nggak mungkin bgt!!! ato mungkin jg krn gue sedang sgt merasa kesepian huhuhuhu... so my unconsious mind creates such fantasy. i think i had to have to consult it with miss K.

fine sunday afternoon

helo... yep...you guessed it! i'm feeling so happy this moment, why? it wasn't a big deal actualy, i'm just glad he replies my e-mail. soooooo happpy...

i know, i'm over reacted, and he probably just being polite, but hey... i realised that it's really impossible for us to be together. anyway..i just like to enjoyed this moment.

sikat gigi makuro

i miss makuro, lebi, mary and pippin, dorothy, kentang, betty lou and my other ikan layars and also my 3 molly dori fish. i used to feed them at these hours and then pull out a chair near the small pond and read books for hours until my visions became blured and my neck ached.

how's my 1st week in uni? i say it's okay, as usuall i haven't really thought much about what projects i should take (d'oh.red). i went to a friend's house this afternoon, we had dinner together with his housemates and neighbours. and he asked me why am i so quite? i honestly dunno why am i so quite all of the sudden. i didn't talk as much as i used to, even to the ppl i used to chat with. i dunno if that's a good or a bad thing. i guess now i just like to watch and listen about what ppl have to say about things.

well actually there is one thing that worries me, JOB. i'm so affraid will become unemployee after i graduate. well, to tell you the truth, i could get a job easly if i want to based on relation and connection. the problem is my conscious mind tells me that i owed my uncle so much, that i don't want to ask him a favour to help me get a job. my parents were quite disappointed with my decission of not accepting his job offer. i just thought that i should try to make on my own this time, be more independent.

oh thing just strike my head, i always wanted to travell, lived in other continents beside asia pasificand africa, but i don't think i can. i think i better stay in the country. a lot of things that i'm being responsible of.

the pulp in the bulb

just like the title today's entry may not be that important to read, so u guys just can passed this one out (tapi sebaiknya sih jangan.red). well, i'm back in brisbane, and finally got online, actually i've arrived a week ago but my nose didn't really compromised (a.k.a pilek berat.red)

i'm excited, i'm sad and i'm scared...so scared to begin this new semester. why? because then again there's always someone telling me that the course i'm taking is the 'hard one'. oh well, i think..u you can't really tell untill you've experience it. oh and one thing i'm also taking the kind of projects that made my average grade low last semester. i just think i gotta keep trying until it's impossible to keep trying.

then again i'm going through an era where the 'kid' in me have to become an 'adult'. yep and it's coming in 2 weeks. whilst most people held a 'grand' celebration of that event, i'm on the contrary can't and didn't even want to think about a celebration of such event. i just don't think it's the right moment for me to be celebrating. some of my closest friend argue that because i still read Lemony Snicket and refuses to grow up. well, if any of you ever heard that rumor, please ignore it, becuase it's not true.

me, myself and the past

yep, i once made a promise to myself than i would find out about my 'roots'. well, i didn't do any research, the research came to me. my grandad gave me a very old, very hard-to-read document the other day. it was written in my mother tounge language, which i hardly understand, anyway as i skimmed through the document i recognise my grandad's name, it is on some sort of diagram. as i expected, it's a family tree, yep. know that i know who's my great2 great2 (i think it's overeacting.red) grandfather, i begin to understand why my grandad always expected the very best of me, especially in terms of 'manners'. my great great grandfather was in my history book when i was in elementary school.

i actually had wrote an entry on last tuesday, but something happened online, it made me really sad so i had to disconnect.
valentine's coming, and again i don't have 'anyone special' to share with. i can't really complaint after what i've witness today. my family had lunch with my mom's old friend from borneo. she's with her daugthers, the 1st one's still single, but the 2nd already married (she's about the same age as i am). sekilas sih pasangan ini tampak bahagia, in my mind they must've been really2 in love. but when the husband have a bit of chat with my dad, i don't really like him one bit. he's underestimating my dad. my sis think, maybe it's because the ITB factor, the husband is an ITB student. well, to be honest, in my mind, how could you be happy with someone like that? but hey, it's none of my bussiness. anyway, back to me and the 'bf' prob, i think i had to be more carefull with whom i 'fall in'.

oh yeah, another silly thought has crossed my mine for a couple of days...what if 'he' (RHS.red) is the 'one' for me, but i've just pushed him away? but it can't be? can it? after all 'he' have never 'fall' for me....
i guess seing too much pink everywhere u go can make ur mind sounds crazy huhu....

rainy days

i finally got to enjoyed transjakarta, the so called busway. it was fun. we went to Mangdu. i didn't bought a lot of stuff there, because i didn't really need a lot of stuff, i only want 1 thing and 1 thing only, but i didn't find it there. a bit disappointed but, that's ok. it's not really that important anyway.
there're good news and bad news, the good news is that i think i have a crush on someone, the bad news is as usual i don't know what to do next. more bad news... sometimes i still thought about my ex. i guess it had to stop, we had a different visions about life and how we are going to enjoyed it. i guess when you get older, those are more important in a relationships.
what've i been doing lately? read, read, and read... it's been a week of intesive reading, but still haven't finished that Angels and Demons' novel. i wonder how can ppl read just 1 night or 2?

me, myself and the future

hola, so..i've made up my mind, i've chosen my classes and i've enroled. i do not know why i've chose those classes.
beberapa hari yg lalu gue sempet ngobs ama temen gue, doi masih sma tapi udah punya rencana dia nanti mau kerja di bidang apa, udah nyiap2in diri buat industrinya. trus besoknya gue telp2an ama temen gue yg satu angkatan tp beda jurusan, dia jg udah punya gambaran mau kerja yg bagaimana, dimana, padahal dia baru lulus 1.5 th lagi. sebagai org luar gue merasa temen gue ini emang agak idealis sih, sementara yg masih sma itu gue blg lebih bisa ngeliat keadaan, ataukah dia jg membaca artikel yg sama dng gue? terus terang gue jg jd mikir sih, gue masuk tipe yg mana ya? and again to be brutally honest, i'm not even considered as one of the best student in my class, jadi gue sendiri skg nggak berani berandai2 tempat gue kerja nanti. padahal rencananya gue mau mempergunakan waktu libur ini buat berpikir keras merencanakan langkah gue selanjutnya setelah gue lulus kuliah taun ini. sepertinya rencana itu gagal.... karena gue nya sendiri jg lg nggak stabil, terlalu banyak pertanyaan2 yg masih belum terjawab.
huhuhu... ya sud tampaknya gue sdh hrs tdr.... c ya

pilih mana snips atau snaps?

halo... kmaren gue meneriman sms dr seorang co yg mencari mamanya? cukup terkejut dan membuat diri gue jadi ilfeel ama co itu sih. dan setelah dianalisa oleh ade gue, hasilnya tambah membuat gue ilfeel. hmm..akhir2 ini kegiatan gue adalah membungkus kado, bermain bulutangkis di depan rumah tetangga, karena lebih sepi dan lebih teduh (the grass is always greener on the other side.red) dan membantu pr2 ade gue -_-... oh iya my mum menyuruh gue nemenin beliau daftar senam. gue ampe udah dibeliin celana senamnya segala, padahal gue blom daftar dan blom nentuin mau ikut yg mana?
so please help me out guys... pilihannya ada 2: jazz exercise atau power yoga... terus terang gue sih pingin yoga, tapi ade gue blg yg jazz exercise ajah biar cepet kurus.. oh membingungkan sekali ya memilih senam itu...payah payah..kalo gue ambil 2nya gue nggak punya waktu buat ngerjain yg lain -_-...
oh iya ada satu lagi dilema gue... taun depan gue ngambil electives apa ya... Photography ato berbagai studio workshop design lainnya? lalu gue kudu ngambil art theory yg mana ya yg kira2 less boring dr yg lainnya? huhuhuhuhu dessicion dessicion dessicion...

i don't know what this one should be called

hi everyone, actually i just woke up. it's 7 am and i rushed to get online. why? to check if all my grades are in.... and it did....huh (sigh). and i'm happy, i did well this semester. ouw..but before we moved on i'd better tell you that i'm an underachiever so my grades not really that good, but it's enough for me. i'm aiming it one step of the time. just hope i won't pick a difficult electives next year huhuhuhuhuu..hmm... come to think of it, i wonder if my grades are really really good, will i become snobby? or will i stay the same and keep aiming, keep learning? oh well, no point in guessing what has not happened...
hmm..berhubung gue baru bangun tidur, jadi gue pake bahasa indo ajah ya...gue seneng bgt kmaren nonton Upstairs di senoritar huhuhuhuhuhu...komedi sekali...pas pertama kali mereka main cuman instrument doank gue suka bgt, soalnya gaya2nya kayak daft punk, eh ternyata ada vocalisnya. pertamanya sih sedikit kecewa, soalnya gayanya freak abis, campuran antara andre 3000 ama prince, yup prince...jadi rada2 G gitu terlebih lagi krn dia kurus...huhuhuhuhu... tapi pas dia ngomong...ternyata lebih freak lagi huahahahahahaha..... yg jelas gue ngefans ama Upstairs bukan krn bandnya bagus (terus terang gue nggak ngerti mereka mainin lagu apa.red), tapi karena vocalisnya komedi..huhuhuhu... ntar gue mau nonton Upstairs lagi ah di PL Fair huhuhuhuuhu....
oh iya gue lagi hepi nih soalnya lagi banyak dapet tiket gratisan ... pertama dapet tiket gratis ke senoritar (acara pensi anak tar-q), kedua dapet tiket gratis nonton acaranya kedutaan spanyol, ketiga dapat tiket gratis ke PL Fair...huhuhuhu... udah gitu bisa ketemu upstairs lagi... senang sekali. iya2 gue tau they are not the greatest shows tapi gue seneng ajah, soalnya setidaknya gue ada kerjaan summer ini, weks...summer? berhub gue lagi di jakarta mungkin harusnya gue ngomong musim hujan ini kali ya huhuhuhuhuu...

grades

yup my grades are up on the web... i'm a bit dissappointed at first..but after i calculated my gpa.. i'm quite happy, no not quite i'm very happy, satisfied that i've reach my target huhuhuhuhuhu...i know..i know..i'm underachiever. but the important part is for me, i'm progressing, it's slow..but i'm getting there.

can't stop whining...

it's been a long time since my last blog, i've been busy... ada banyak hal yg pining gue ceritain. pertama, all this time my i've been having trouble in the study departement, my parents keep saying don't give up, they think i'm giving up my study, but the truth is the other way around. my problem is i'm not giving up, it seems that i dunno when to give up and move on and when to keep trying, because i nearly there... my bad highschool experience keep haunting me, i can't get it off my head, no matter what i tried to do. i never thought 1 failure could do this much damage. i've lost my self confindece...
yg kedua, hari ini gue buka2 friendster...surprisingly gue ketemu teman2 sd gue...huhuhuhu mukanya berubah semua, udah pada dewasa bgt, sementara muka gue masih tetep terlihat culun. not just their face changes that i've notice, but they also put their pics with their bf. they look great together, their not the cutest couples but it seems that they fit each other perfectly. meanwhile i'm still on my own as always. what happend to ian you asked? i dunno? i guess he lost interest in me. anyway, i don't have a picture of me stading beside a man in my head. or have i completely lost my confidence of finding that 'someone'? even my little sis has one. hmmm... -_-

run little miss K, run...

it's been almost a month that K hide herself in her tiny apartemen. she doesn't want to see anyone, except her auntie. she didn't speak to anyone in class... and surprisingly no one care to asked what's going on? or what's wrong? i tried to asked but, she just smiled and said, 'oh.. nothing.. just lack of sleep i guess.' i knew that she lied, but why? i haven't seen her smiled in a while, she keeps avoiding people, but why?
me and K is not a closed friend, but it doesn't take a genious to know something's wrong with her. i just wish i can help her... it seem like she doen't not know how to trust again...

untitled 2

hari ini rasanya pusing sekali... gue tdk bisa membawa diri, rasanya pingin ngumpet di ujung dunia... masih kesel, knp org2 egois semua, why can't they just leave me alone... giliran gue udah reda amarahnya selalu saja ada yg membuat gue kembalii marah2 sebal... lagi sedang tidak bisa mengendalikan emosi...

v update

hellow, i finally can get myself together...
this couple of days i had the thoughtest mental test so far... damn, it's so hard to fair... in one hand i wanna be truly, and brutally honest, but on the other hand i gotta be fair as well, which mean there are somethings that are not meant to be said...
huh...