koyo...

it's only the 1st week back to study, but i feel really tired everyday. i dunno if i could keep up with this. and when i'm tired i get annoyed easily. it feel like i wanna lay my head on 'your' chest. my design got rejected again, first it got 'stolen' then it got rejected. then there i was sitting blank staring at my 'white' screen, i could feel my eyes getting redder.

tonight i heard the uncut version of 'little miss C, the suicidal girl'... i've heard my friends comment about that girl...- although i got to admit that her reason for her suicidal behaviour is very stupid- but i kinda.. sometimes, most of the times been having a serious thought about death, where do we go after this? what if my life end here right now, at this very moment? and why am i still alive? what is my purpose in this world? all of this thinking make me realise that i do need 'you'. i'm scared and only 'you' can calmed me down. i'm angry, angry with the cruelty and the unfairness of this world. angry at the enviness that surounding this world. i'm angry, so angry that i just wanna be with 'you' because i know 'you' will never hurt me, even if 'you' did, i know 'you' didn't mean it. my heart is safe with 'you'.

so... now, when are 'you' going to come for me, i'm kinda tired waiting for 'you'...


diriku lelah menunggumu yg tak kunjung datang...

Kau

ntah knp malam ini terasa lebih berat dr kmaren...


...hatiku mengucap kata merindukanmu, laksana nyata manis nuansa
...dan jika gemitang tiada lagi melagu, kisahku yg mencinta dirimu... kau slalu abadi
(gemitang-andien)



then came the rain...

malam ini aku kembali sendiri, menikmati hujan...
dan tak ada jalan lain selain menikmati perihnya luka ini..
tiada yg bisa mengobati rasa sakit ini, hanya Kau yg bisa
entah kapan luka ini akan tertutup, mungkin jg tdk akan pernah...
saat ini aku hanya ingin menanggis dan menanggis...

dry droopy eyes

mungkin karena hari ini gue berpisah dng keluarga, dan tak tau kapan bisa berkumpul kembali... rasanya pilu bgt malam ini, mungkin jg krn gue masih blom bisa melepas rasa itu...mungkin jg krn sebenarnya gue kecewa...

bener kata loe ndi, jgn terlalu dekat sama org, nanti kecewa...gue sedih, niat gue baik dan tulus utk membantu org ini, tapi ternyata dia menganggap remeh gue dan hanya memikirkan dirinya sendiri... dia yg telah gue anggap sodara gue, dia yg ternyata hanya memikirkan dirinya sendiri dan meninggalkan gue disini bimbang tak tentu arah. bagaimana harusnya gue katakan kepadanya, tinggalkan gue sendiri, jangan sakiti gue lagi...

scare crow

hi... i'm home at last, but not for long, in 3 days i'm going back to the place where it used to be my sanctuary...

have you ever feel like you've lost everything? well, i haven't, not hoping too anyway... but i'm starting to feel like i could lose everything... another funny thing is..after a long talk with my dad, and despite segala bentuk 'kegalakan' gue... gue takut... yup, i'm scared, scared of getting to know someone too close, scared i might get hurt one day, scared of being too nice to people, scared i might hurt someonelse's feeling...

oh well...