i woke up very late, udah gitu dng sore throats lagi, parah sekali, tapi seneng sih, soalnya begitu liat hp udah ada yg sms. huhuhu paling seneng dapet sms pagi2. hari ini nggak ngapai2n sih cuman nyuci bed sheets, terus perpanjang kontrak apartement abis itu jjs (jalan2 sore), sambil wondering si muka kura2 lagi ngapain ya?
hari ini rutenya ke campus (rencananya mau ngambil hasil, cuman blom ada), terus nyebrang good will bridge, terus terang kayaknya gue setuju sama Vivi (vivi pernah bilang pengendara speda di good will bridge itu suka seenaknya)! dan akhirnya gue mampir Borders, toko buku fave, dan seperti biasa ke rak komik ngecheck Chobits udah keluar no.7 apa blom, abis itu mojok di bag design and fashion.
gue paling seneng ke toko buku kayak Borders, kalo di Jakarta itu yg bentuknya seperti QB jl. sunda dan Aksara yg di kemang. org2 udah tau sih valcory itu suka ngilang di toko buku, dan jgn cari gue sampe gue nyari loe hahahaha... biasanya gue itu suka ngider di bagian art (design, photography, etc), crafts, dan percaya nggak percaya bag. buku anak2 hahahaha... kadang di bag literature sih kalo lagi in serious mood.

i'm feeling a lot better today, i feel relieve because i've talked to the right people. right as in they were being objective about the problems i've been having, they've pointed put to me where did i go wrong and right. and i know i've offended someone, but i've already said 'i'm sorry'. got to admit though it's hard saying those words, I'M SORRY, it took a lot of courage for me to finally say it, and it feel so much better once those words are spoken (exhaling -_-, i did it).
i went to the coast with my friend today, our first intention was to go shopping, but since we haven't talked to each other for such a long time, so we spent most of our time just sitting on the beach and chatt >_<. it's really nice to know that u still have someone to share eventhough u don't see them everyday. it's really nice to know that someone is also praying for you. it's really nice to know that someone will support u when u're right and shut u up when u're wrong.

i'm not getting better, it's getting worst!!!!! and the ironic part is it's all my fault!!! someone BT gara2 gue lagi BT, yeah right!!!! it's all my fault. gosh, i guess i'm a very bad person!!! it's the price of being very young, very angry and very bold!!!
at times like these i wish my best friend is here, my mom. she always know what to do to fixed things up. and i feel like i disappointed her, she always say to me, never to expect anyone to understand you. but i did, i did expect my friends to understand me, because i thought if i tried to understand them, they would tried to understand me, but i was wrong and my mom is right. or maybe they've tried to understand me, but they just can't because i'm such a complex person and it's hard to keep paste with me.
nobody can understand me, what did i do wrong? i've never asked any of my friends to change their personalities, why do you guys wanna change mine?

i woke up quite early this morning, hooray >_<. but i'm still not in the good mood, to be honest! i'm tired being nice. i'm tired getting hurt, i've done caring for others cos it's obvious to me now that they don't give a damn about me. i know.. i'm being too extreme here.
don't know where that happy little valcory goes, i haven't seen her this last couple of days. i've definitely gotta go out more. gotta get a life, gotta have some adventures, gotta think back the things i've done and hope that i'm not gonna repeat the same mistakes in the future.
in the mean time, i gotta get ready, it's a girls night out tonight, so c ya... hope i'm feeling a lot better the next time i write a blog >_<

today i learn that as you grow older there are things that better left unspoken and that frightens me. my greatest fear is if i'm unable to speak my mind. i think i owe an appology to someone, i'm really sorry for being such an annoying person this last 2 days, please watch HP3 with SOC and don't worry about me, i can watch it with my sisters.
i'm a bit disappointed today because once again, i can't get my hands on the things that i've longing to have, the thing that i think could help in boosting my career and the worst part is i don't have a plann B! hmm... (sigh) -_-
now i'm worried, what my life's gonna be? will i get a job once i graduate? where should i live, Jakarta or Brisbane? and i'm affraid if i'm not gonna be able to coupe with all this. alright enough, this thinking made my head dizzy!!!

i guess i better make a list of the things i ought to do this holiday:
1. read Thinking Creatively
2. meet Agnes
3. black and white photo experiment
4. swimming in the middle of winter
5. photo session with Angiverl
6. return Erick's book
7. CityCat adventure
8. cut my hair (to Ian, aku cuma mau ngerapiin bawahnya kok)
9. meet Phia
10. bake muffins with Angiverl
11. membalas surat2 penggemar >_<

and my plan for christmas holiday is to meet:
1. Ian
2. Maria and Pade
3. Mia
4. Soleh and Dora
5. Findi
6. Alvin
hmm, who else? yg jelas sih gue kalo bisa, sebisa mungkin nggak ketemu ama those bloody 'hippos'!!!!

hoah...-_- z..z.. today is the last day of my 1st semester in QCA, i can't believe this, time does went on so fast! soon it'll be the last day of my 1st year in QCA and then it'll be my 21st b-day. i felt that i haven't achieve anything in my life. yesterday when we held an SOC uplate, Angiverl told us that she got another freelance job, and i thought ... gosh, look at u valcory, u're going to be 21 soon and u haven't achieve anything in ur life. one of the counselors in my high school once told my parents that i'm a very laid back person, and i don't have any achievement motivations. while my high school friends used to say that, 'valcory itu nggak punya niat idup!' well, if they say i don't have any achievement motivation, they're right, but 'nggak punya niat idup'? they're wrong, aku mau hidup 1000th lagi!

the future

hari ini pake bahasa indo ajah ya... otak gue sedikit error nih... dari tadi baca Walter Benjamin's 'The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction' tapi nggak maju2 dari paragraph pertama hahaha...
seperti biasa malem ini gue ada SOC uplate, maklumlah berhub para anggota SOC nggak ada yg ngapelin (co gue berada nun jauh disana) jadi ya acara goss di malam hari itu perlu. cuman hari ini kita tidak ngegoss sih, in fact we're talking about serious matter, the future. all the other SOC members are freaking out about turning 20, for me since i'm already 20, so i'm not making a big fuss out of it. to be honest i'm more concern with healing my wounds. i know... everyone i know already told me...u gotta move on, let it go, jgn suka mikirin yg udah berlalu! do u think i don't wanna moved on? i do, i do wanna forget all of that, but the wound cuts too deep. i was too young too coupe with all that! everytime i tried to moved on there's always something that holds me back. gosh i better stop now, otherwise i'll become the sarcastic valcory. anyway the best solution i've come up with is to pray to God everynight, so that He would heal my wounds.
anyway, i gotta make it clear to my bf, i was mad at you, because i was waiting for u and u asked me to go to bed, and i was mad at u because i thought u ignored me. i'm not mad anymore, sorry to make u worried.
hari ini ol ketemu temen sd gue, sebenarnya musuh bebunyutan gue sih, soalnya dia suka narik rambut gue waktu sd! sebel deh... ternyata temen sd gue itu satu uni ama co gue, dan kayaknya hampir semua temen sd and smp gue satu campus ama co gue (or at least satu kota ama co gue)!
emang dasar alvin nggak pernah berubah, kerjaannya nyelain gue mulu, masa co gue dibilang tua! enak ajah co gue nggak tua! mana gue nggak boleh offline lagi... it just funny how some ppl will never change.

i was planning to start studying today, but my back hurts so bad, dunno what happen with my back, i just woke up this morning and it hurts. i thought i was going to have a nice chat with my bf today, but he was busy. actually he got his exam grades today, and it didn't look good, and silly me, i didn't say anything to comfort him! i should've say something. usually i got a bunch of comforting words to say to ppl when they're down, but nothing came out of my mouth today. what the hell's wrong with me? why am i being shy to him? me, org yg paling nggak tau malu, org yg paling ceriwis diantara anggota SOC tiba2 jadi speechless.
anyway, since my bf is working today, so i chatt with his bestmate to get an inside scoop. but as time went on, the converse turn to his probs. i can't believe myself giving advise to a 33yrsold man. and he seems ok with the way i think. cool ;) does this mean that i'm no longer a spoil little girl? hmm... -_-

i should probably introduce myself 1st i'm valcory, most ppl think of me as the little girl who thinks too much. and i'm a moody person, so jgn kaget kalo tiba2 bahasanya berubah jd indo hohohoho....
anyway, today my plan is to study for my art theory exam, but by the time i started to read my lecture notes, my eyes getting heavy and heavy, so i ended up sleeping in the library -_- z...z...z... what a waste!
lately i felt like i haven't been myself, i did a lot stupid things, i couldn't concentrate on everything i do and i couldn't stop looking at my mobile phone. seriously i dunno what the hell's wrong with me, the only advice i get is from Angiverl and she only said logic and reason get out of the window when L gets involved... could it be? hmm... something to think about -_-