yep readers the words are h..., e... and a... and i just wanna get it out of my head. i've manage to get rid of it for several days, but as soon as i get online, it all came back to me. the reasons why am i insist on living by myself in a small apt.
huh... i just realize that i'm not ready and i'm sacred, i'm freaking out. why did people believed that i can do it, while me on the other hand, i don't think that i can do it.
oh yeup, i've been trying to prove a theory (this one is v secret, sorry guys -_-.red), well, it didn't work, despite what the legend said, my experiment prove the otherwise ... and i'm so dissappointed... -_- the result made me feel weaker and weaker every single day...
30.9.05
21.9.05
what lies beneath
I could think of an intro for today’s entry, I just wanna pour my heart out…
Well, what would you do if you knew something about A but A thinks you don’t have a clue, and this A person is trying so hard to cover it up. Hoping that you would never knew about it? hmm… should you just play along with this cover up game? Or …
Well, at first I didn’t really mind, but now it’s getting ridiculous. I can stand being left alone in the dark, I thought I’m your friend dude… kenapa loe kudu nyembunyiin kenyataan itu dari gue?
oh and another thing, what if your friend gotta chose between you and her bf? would you stay away from her cos she seems so happy with him, or would you ... this is kinda confusing huh? my friends bf thinks i'm a bad influence cos i'm a freak. on one side i really wanted her to be happy, but on the other side i don't wanna loose a dear friend...
oh valcory... let her be happy, u used to be on your own anyway... -_- and there you go once again i lose another friend... i guess it's also about time you leave bne...
so to do 2morrow: ask about shipping company, ask about tickets (make sure it's oneway ticket)
ps: dude i know... but i still wanna hear you say the truth to me....
Well, what would you do if you knew something about A but A thinks you don’t have a clue, and this A person is trying so hard to cover it up. Hoping that you would never knew about it? hmm… should you just play along with this cover up game? Or …
Well, at first I didn’t really mind, but now it’s getting ridiculous. I can stand being left alone in the dark, I thought I’m your friend dude… kenapa loe kudu nyembunyiin kenyataan itu dari gue?
oh and another thing, what if your friend gotta chose between you and her bf? would you stay away from her cos she seems so happy with him, or would you ... this is kinda confusing huh? my friends bf thinks i'm a bad influence cos i'm a freak. on one side i really wanted her to be happy, but on the other side i don't wanna loose a dear friend...
oh valcory... let her be happy, u used to be on your own anyway... -_- and there you go once again i lose another friend... i guess it's also about time you leave bne...
so to do 2morrow: ask about shipping company, ask about tickets (make sure it's oneway ticket)
ps: dude i know... but i still wanna hear you say the truth to me....
19.9.05
while watching the emmy
hmm... i thought the nightmares are over for sure, but it didn't. i couldn't sleep, rain keep pouring in my cheeks. and as usual no one was there... the funny thing is i don't remember why and what? why did i cried all night? but it did affect my mood today.. hmm..-_- i was sad and gloomy, couldn't event think... feels like talking and pour my hearts out but no one was there...
17.9.05
sealed memory
hey guys... it's so nice not having to work everyday. yep my days in the studio are over, now i can concentrate (well, trying) on my college assignments.
hmm.. today was very windy in bne, very very windy, so i can't go anywhere -_-
so... i cooked, spaghetti with garlic and japanese seaweed sprinkles and watched tv. although i had to stayed home all day, i found something inside of me that i...well you can say sealed very tightly. i really like this movie, because i can connect with it. well, sly always thought that i had a happy childhood, well, i tell you what sly, i had had my share of cloudy days. it's very funny how i manage to surpress that memory for so long if i hadn't watched that movie today, i would probably wouldn't remember it. but anyhuu, what that girl went through and how she reacted was more elaborate compare to what i went through, but i still remember what's it like to be in her shoes. i was angry and very sad. but i'm over it now.
another thing... i just realise that life is all about choice. so i've this wishful thinking:
i wish to have someone to talk to about these unforseen choices, and if did chose a bad one, i wish that person would stick by me...
(i'm being cheessy am i?)
hmm.. today was very windy in bne, very very windy, so i can't go anywhere -_-
so... i cooked, spaghetti with garlic and japanese seaweed sprinkles and watched tv. although i had to stayed home all day, i found something inside of me that i...well you can say sealed very tightly. i really like this movie, because i can connect with it. well, sly always thought that i had a happy childhood, well, i tell you what sly, i had had my share of cloudy days. it's very funny how i manage to surpress that memory for so long if i hadn't watched that movie today, i would probably wouldn't remember it. but anyhuu, what that girl went through and how she reacted was more elaborate compare to what i went through, but i still remember what's it like to be in her shoes. i was angry and very sad. but i'm over it now.
another thing... i just realise that life is all about choice. so i've this wishful thinking:
i wish to have someone to talk to about these unforseen choices, and if did chose a bad one, i wish that person would stick by me...
(i'm being cheessy am i?)
14.9.05
my life so far
i found this stuff on the bullboard, i thought: this is kinda interesting was of looking at my life...
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
( ) shoplifted
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had someone who had feelings for you that you didn't have back
(kayaknya pernah deh)
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x) met someone from the internet
( ) been at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
( ) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
( ) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
( ) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely (almost everyday)
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
( ) won a contest
( ) run a red light/stop sign
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast/third person
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu (often)
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you looked
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been on the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
( ) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
( ) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) scared to watch a scary movie alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house
( ) loved someone so much you would gladly die for them
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
( ) shoplifted
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had someone who had feelings for you that you didn't have back
(kayaknya pernah deh)
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x) met someone from the internet
( ) been at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
( ) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
( ) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
( ) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely (almost everyday)
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
( ) won a contest
( ) run a red light/stop sign
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast/third person
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu (often)
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you looked
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been on the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
( ) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
( ) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) scared to watch a scary movie alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house
( ) loved someone so much you would gladly die for them
12.9.05
seaweed and cowboys boots
it's so amazing to see that someone i know actually get his dream job, it gets my spirit up again seeing that you really can reach the stars...
just a second before he told me the news, i was almost given up my craving for learning because i'm tired and i don't think i could make it. thanks dude i owe you one...
just a second before he told me the news, i was almost given up my craving for learning because i'm tired and i don't think i could make it. thanks dude i owe you one...
11.9.05
5.9.05
the ultimate everything
ok... here are the good news, my friends sly fnally got the 'post man' bag she wanted.. hip hip hooray, cos she finally see and agree with me in terms of patterns and she got the ultimate bag!!!! for me i haven't got my ultimate bag, but i got lots of handy dandy trustworthy bags >_<
in the car she went on and on about buying the ultimate wallet together (same style different colors)... and my mind went nuts!!! ouw.. kay... the ultimate wallet, well, the things is... i can't get them now, cos :
1. i couldn't afford it,
2. it's not my time to wear the ultimate wallet,
3. even my 'ladies' wallet is still sitting nice and tightly in her box in my cupboard
so...
it's gonna take a long time until i finally bought the ultimate wallet and bag.
and all those talk about the ultimate wallet... i realise it today that although having the ultimate wallet is going to be very indulging, i have another brands of my own personal taste, and apparently not many ppl have heard of these brands, so today i went on the net and investigate...
and it turn out that these brands mean nothing if you compare it with the ultimate, gee weez, no wonder not alot knows about it. but anyhuu.. i like te website, clean and simple, realiable, and shows good quality hmm... feels like click and buy...-_-
ow... another thing, yesterday i witness that good deeds indeed get rewarded... and it made me feel so good... i'm happy..
now enough talking... it's time to get back to write down the ultimate resume huahahahaha...
in the car she went on and on about buying the ultimate wallet together (same style different colors)... and my mind went nuts!!! ouw.. kay... the ultimate wallet, well, the things is... i can't get them now, cos :
1. i couldn't afford it,
2. it's not my time to wear the ultimate wallet,
3. even my 'ladies' wallet is still sitting nice and tightly in her box in my cupboard
so...
it's gonna take a long time until i finally bought the ultimate wallet and bag.
and all those talk about the ultimate wallet... i realise it today that although having the ultimate wallet is going to be very indulging, i have another brands of my own personal taste, and apparently not many ppl have heard of these brands, so today i went on the net and investigate...
and it turn out that these brands mean nothing if you compare it with the ultimate, gee weez, no wonder not alot knows about it. but anyhuu.. i like te website, clean and simple, realiable, and shows good quality hmm... feels like click and buy...-_-
ow... another thing, yesterday i witness that good deeds indeed get rewarded... and it made me feel so good... i'm happy..
now enough talking... it's time to get back to write down the ultimate resume huahahahaha...
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