108

i felt really guilty for holding up this feeling... i thought she was a friend that i could count on, that's why i've always tried to be there for her whenever she needed me but the fact is she would rather hang out with her 'new found glory' group then with me, she wrongfully judged me b4 i had the chance to told her my side of the story once (she said she's not taking side, but it was obvious to me that she was taking side), she has said things that made me feel like i had a bad personalities.
but despite all that i dunno why i still hang out with her, and these couple of weeks i felt really really irritated by her. i know i've been really quite, but that doesn't mean i wanna to hear about something that is not important, i just want someone who could listen, just listen...

anyway..that's out i'm felt relieve, but i have another bad news... dodi just died this morning (dodi was my pet chicken.red) oh i'm going to miss you dodi... eventhough sometimes i felt irritated by you in the morning...-_-

pink panther

hmmm... i feel so tired today i almost fall asleep in the library. looking through all of those periodical journals always make my eyes drowsy. oh... i shouldn't blame the journals or the air con in the library that makes it so cosy, i slept very late last night. this time not because of assignments, but cos i called sly, my partner in crimes, and silly me i called her to bandung from my mobile... yeap so there it goes my call credits -_-... but i didn't regret it though, talking to her again after all this months would probably the happiest moment of my life for this month. maybe because she made me feel like a celebs, cos she practically screaming when she heard my voice, and she didn't stop being so hysterical for about 5 minutes, actually i was being hysterical myself huhuhu... >_<. she was supposed to start her uni this semester, but she got problem with her visa so she's won't be in bne until late may -_-

oh well .... i hope she's coming back to bne sooner...

sedih sepi kutanggung sendiri

this last couple of days was very exhausting, i finally quit the performance team and join photography departement instead (hahaha finally i can do something i like.red). speaking of photography, it remains me that i need a lesson this coming holiday, i hope i can find a tutor in jakarta (if anyone interested in giving me a lesson please send me an e-mail: k_nine@soon.com). oh yeah the good news is i still have time to go back to jakarta b4 liveworm starts (yeay..mbak widi, we can have our little reunion.red)

second is i found out that, again i'm stuck in the middle between 2 of my friends who didn't really get along -_-. well, i'm not saying the other one is a good person, but at least she shows that she do care disaat2 gue sdg 'jatuh'. huhuhu... apa yg hrs gue lakukan?

third, as usual assignments yg menumpuks... (this one is purely my fault, too much having fun huhuhuhu.red)

anyway begitu saja keluh kesah gue...skg ganti topic ya, graduation is getting closer.. a lot of guest lectures came and talk about how to set your portfolio, what 2 do on interviews... it's just making me more nervous. and it remains me that i need to set up a plan, either stays in oz (stays in brissie or move to melb or syd?) or go back to jakarta (and start everything from sracth again? incl 'the language'). making desicions used to be easy for me, but now, there r a lot of things needs 2 b considered.

semiotics

as my mind gets heavy my body weakens...

garfield's eyes

hi... blog hari ini pake ind saja ya. gue lagi cape bgt, habis memeras otak utk brainstrom depression brochure (and i think i needed to check myself.red). trus rencananya gue malem ini mau ngetes fonts yg cocok buat dep bro, but setelah online.. ngecheck e-mail have a bit of chat and..this guy suddenly appears...

dia temen sma gue duls, emang sih gue dari dulu suka bantuin dia bikin pr walaupun kita beda jurusan (dia IPS gue IPA huhu..) dan gue jg suka nebs dia kalo pergi2 (susahnya kalo nggak bisa nyetir akibat kaki tidak sampai ketika mengijak pedal.red). but tonight is different he said hi... dan basa basi sebentar... and then.. ta da..'val could you help me with my assignment..? pls..' i couldn't say no at first..but then i realise he haven't done his assignment because he was slacking off in class.. and dia minta gue research prnya dia (agak maksa lagi.red) waduh... untung jg sih alasan gue masuk akal jadi he let me go... beside kita benar2 beda jurusan.

terus terang ajah gue kecewa, those ppl like him only came to me when they need me but none of them were there when i'm 'down'. none of them were avaiable.

that green umbrella

well, this morning i thought i'm in deep trouble with my assignments. but this afternoon i just sort one of my probs with my teacher... so i thought one problem solve, i felt relieve and i went to city to look for an idea for a b-day gift for my friend. i didn't realize that there are still a lot of assignments need to be done b4 the 25th of April... gosh... what a bad habbit..huhuhuhu... but anyway..i despite the panick attack i'm having right now, i did not regret that i went for a stroll this afternoon huhuhu...

as for the gift...honestly i still don't know what to give her??? i felt guilty though, because she spoke about places she wanted to have her dinner party... and there i was sitting next to her in the class went dumb, because i haven't bought, yet know what to give her -_-. i honestly don't know the stuff that she needed?
oh well..

hideous chicken

yep, today i was supposed to tell one of my friend that i wanna quit the perfomance group. why? it's simple because i wasn't compatible. but i chickened out!! after much thinking, i decided not to quite because i thought she might need me to support her, after all, she the one who helped get through my 'panick attack' when my wallet was stolen.

so.. i went to practice and now i realise why.. all these years when i was in school, ppl never put me on stage, they've always put me backstage (which i then fell in love with the world of backstage.red), it's because i SUCK big time!!!! oh.. i know i'm bad at performing, i can't sing, i can't act, i can't dance. i would probably look like a scarecrow once i'm on stage. and the bad news is i'm in the front line (because i'm such a short little fella.red). well, i could do a lipsinc, pretend i'm singing when i'm on stage, but i couldn't do anything about the dancing part -_-...

and silly me, i was supposed to memorise the lyrics of the song we are going to sing, but... since those song only remind me of how suck i am at performing... so as writting this blog, i'm also singing along with jamie cullumn version of sing in the rain >_<... i know i've told M and my sis that i don't like jamie but, this song change my mind...