sunrise at singapore

the day has finally come... had a mixed feeling about it, a bit panick, but hey i've made it to singapore...
i couldn't sleep as usuall, but when the stewardes finally arrive to offer me breakfast, i couldn't opened my eyes... yup i had lack of coordination in between my body functions -_-

anyhu... d help me get through my final hours in bne, thanks d, i really appriciated... the things between d and s is starting to get better (yeay...), even e is trying to make things better between them... that's good, a nice end to this year..

gtg don't have a lot time for internet...

so long and good night

i couldn't fit in all my stuff to my suitcases. i'm panick now! and i'm heartbroken once again... i need to retreat

the end of the year is getting closer and this is what i found this year...
i got a question in mind... if you are friend with someone who is seems to be public enemy #1, does this make you evil as well? i guess, once again i found that you shouldn't trust what other ppl have to say about one particular person. you might never know that that person can be the one that have the solution to your problem.
i found that you can never again leave everything at the last minutes
i found that books are expensive and are heavy to carry around
i found that respecting you friend is crucial, to maintain good and long lasting friendship
i found that to forgive and forget is very hard but its important to keep yourself happier
i found that i cannot cook without a non teflon pan, it will be a disaster

iChat

aha! i woke up with sadness and full of uncertainties... but it was all blown away...

dsr diriku gaptek... akhirnya gue bisa pake iChat jg... tapi sayang nggak banyak yg punya -_-

nope i think it's definetely green and grey

yep, i change the color again...

i've been thinking a bit irational lately... i just hope i didn't have the courage to do what i have in mind right now.

it's blue and grey

i just change the colors of my cv, to green, brown and yellow. still using the same font, same design though, i quite like it the way it is, i just don't like the colors that's all.

nothing important really for today, i still felt left behind, 'tdk dihargai'.

egg pudding

ku tau tak ada yg abadi... mungkin semua kan datang dan pergi...
-coklat-

rasanya pingin marah2, kesal sekali... sangat kesal, sangat sangat kesal... sangat sangat sangat kesal, tapi sebenarnya gue nggak boleh marah2 dan tidak boleh kesal. aih... tapi tetep saja, saya kesal. ya sud lah kalau memang hrs begini jadinya... terserah, gue kan cuman mau nganterin parcel, dan gue nggak tau gue salah apa?

wah jgn2 ini seperti kasus d vs. s, seseorg merasa tdk dihargai... wah, bagaimana ini? tapi if no one tell me what did i do wrong, how am i supposed to know? oh well...

i can't do this all on my own... i'm not superman

been having another asthma attack.. sigh -_-. i promise myself i will be strong when the day came, but hey, it's still a week from my final day and i'm already crying in the corridor.

wiki came by yesterday to cook some congee, it's nice. but it kinda made me realise this is good bye in a way...
i didn't really thought it will be this hard. i thought i'm happy to leave brisbane and go back to my home town, jakarta. but why am i feeling nervous. honestly i've been feeling this mellow ever since naz went back to KL, i know i'm not really close to naz, but the thing is i hate GOOD BYE!

i've been talking to d, since it seems she is the only one available, (sly has been avoiding me, for some reasons, made me puzzled, have i done something wrong?) (wiki refuse my offer to walk her to the bus station, cos she doesn't want to see water in my face)... i'm feeling nervous actually and extremely sad, utterly confuse etc etc...
it feels like when i get back to home i have to readjust myself, i gotta adapt to the sit, to 'new' environment (well, i've worked in a design studio b4, but different company different environment, and not to mentioned different country as well!!). what if i can't fit in? what if? well, d said it's normall and i would fit in just fine... but she hasn't seen those indo designer website, i feel totally out of place, aaaaaa....

hmm... sigh... -_-

so let's lie in the sun

i think i'm addicted to that song, Song 6 by DP -_-

oh well, i got a break through about myself really... i was talking to d about her dispute with s, and i've heard both side of the story. in the way d describe s behaviour i kinda realise that i'm more like s, that's probably why i think s is right. anyhu, i can she myself in s, and d made me realise that, although i'm hurt, but it's not my call to behave the way i do. i do have problem with forgiving and letting something go.

anyhu, i actually got lots of project coming up (mostly personal sih!):
1. redesign and rewrite my cv
2. redesign this web, (and probably asked steve to built it for me)
3. design an id for luvix (what is luvix? well, you'll see it in another 2 or 3 years. if it's not here in those periods of time, well then you probably will never see it.)
4. i heard a rumor that the valcor enterprise will finally rise from the ashes.. so i probably should prepare a new id for this company.

quite but a crazy saturday morning

i woke up feeling sore all over my body, including my throat. i'm hungry but it seems that my stomach couldn't handle anything. it's been like this since yesterday. i think i had my asthma attack, cos i find it hard to breath since yesterday, it sucks feeling like this, i'm sick! but i don't feel like telling anyone. so sssht. .. this is going to be our little secret >o-

i'm psychosomatic, i can easily get sick whenever i had a lot in my mind. dunno why i think so much... dunno why i worried over things... i need to unwind.

btw, it's been crazy because i just had this crazy idea about something, and i'm excited. and that actually made my asthma even worse...

song 6

sly's car got hit by a bus this afternoon, dunno how i manage to stay calmed... saking tenangnya mungkin sly berpikir i don't care.. but the truth is, panick won't get you anywhere... (ahahaha... i can't believe i just said the exact thing my old boss used to said to me.red) anyhu the bus driver seems to be such a responsible person, so she just need to call the bus company and asked them to pay the bill.

anyhu, i'm planning to change this web, give it a new look, more design look. give it a new name perhaps. i just wish i'm not giving up a long the way. i got one color in my mind right now : GREEN.

Song 6- Daniel Powter

Now who did you ever want to be
you snapshot the girl in Tuscany
I didn't know recommend at the time
you're acting out of line
and I don't need you any more
Seeing something new is what I'm hoping for
I'm going to lose and go for a ride
Seeming that I've got time

[Chorus:]
So let's lie in the sun
You didn't want the world to know
But I'm not strong and you'll find out
And you get the rock 'n' roll
You let's groove in the high
You know you better come and get right
I don't know the question line
But the best comes back tonight

If it's cool, and you're cold
You hoping in the street to long
You taking like a fool better man
You taking like a fool in the night
And some good, some bad
You taking to the power help
You taking like a fool better man
You taking like a fool you know

[Chorus]

We would be alright
Some time I'm go long
and some time I 'm go to be another pole
And we'll go to be alright, and I'm what time ...
I'm could all, I'm could all

[Chorus]

[Chorus]


i just bought DP's album today, and i kinda like this song, although i'm not pretty sure what's this is about, but hey, it got some nice tunes in it. oh and one thing i know someone has been having the same prob with me, i wanted to tell her that it is okay to talk to me about it, if she wanted someone to talked to. but i don't know how to said it to her. and i was affraid if i have crossed the line, or maybe she just don't wanna talked about it. i mean i wasn't going to admit it at the first place untill one day i just had enough and i can't put up a smile anymore cos i'm carrying that burden. so as you all know, i'm a bit bold and i told my probs to m, and she's feeling the same too. and both of us were relieve after a long talk, eventhough we still don't know how to cope with it yet. but it's nice to know that you're not alone.

oh yeah and one thing, me and sly have been discussing about em, how she behave in the name of love. well, i've been giving some thought, i know that she's crossed the line. and it make me a bit worried. worried that i might be heading the same lane as her. well, sly didn't understand this of course, cos she had never been in mine nor em's sit b4. i guess, maybe there's some godness in em's case. it kinda gives me some perspective of what to do and what not to do. it gave me a lesson, a lesson we should all learned. (if only i could write it down, but i'm sworn to secrecy). it's kinda frustrating sometimes when you're best friend can't even understand what you've been going through. but i do realise sometimes i can't put my feet in her shoes either... so what should you do then?

sincerely yours...

remember when i told you i need a soothing words? well, i couldn't expect anyone to say it, but then as i was packing i found stack of old letters sent by m and p and of course a simple christmas card from d... i cried a while, i missed them. but hey, i'm going back to jakarta soon, so... it won't be long untill i can meet them. anyhu, as i read the letters, it soothe me really, they've said simple things like thank you, don't worry, it's really simple but i guess cos they're sincere you can really feel it in your heart that you are not alone anymore, you got them, they will always have me. it's simple and it's sincere...

i wonder have a said enough to express my gratitude that they still stand by me up untill this moment, despite all the things that i've done, despite what i've become. thank you m and p... i know i've been travelling a lot, but hey, as of the 21st of dec we'll be in the same area code ahahahaha...

to loose

how am i gonna cope this? should i just go away and disappeared from the face of the earth to forgive and forget. it's not easy to forgive isn't it? was it the curse of having such a delicate feelings? don't ppl see the signs i've put up, those colors i choose to wear? i guess i would never have a normal relationship with others if i haven't 'cure' this sit. me and n sort of discussed slightly, she don't know what to do either.

oh well, like it or not i gotta straigthen up fast, cos i'm chasing something... it's really funny, cos a part of me want to relax, but a part of me wants to rush things to get that thing... the result of this constant battle : ANGER. SADNESS. HATRED. and i can't expect anyone to understand, but i do wanted to hear some soothing (perhaps a bit of a bulls) words.


i do realise that i've been deniying myself, i can do more than this, and i am destined to do something BIG. i've been throwing excuses to my mentors to explain my bad performance and my low expectancy...
i am destined for something BIG and i can sensed it. and i do wanna change, i do wanna get rid of this uncomfortable feelings... but i don't know where to start?

tribute...

my friend's band is on the radio, i haven't heard it, but i'm sure it's awsome, otherwise they wouldn't be the numero uno in the indie chart.

hmm... what about moi? well, my newest plan is to and try yacht racing, if i don't get a job as a graphic designer. get away from the city, sail into the ocean. my sister thinks that, it would be the best way for me, considering that i adopt a-s as my way of life. ahahaha, well the truth is i'm not a-s to my close and to my old friends.

speaking of friends, i realised that as you get older it became harder and harder to have a friend and to maintain a friendship. as mar said, 'cos a good friend is really hard to find, and worth more than any gold or diamond.' i agree with you there mar, i guess what she said is a self explanatory.

saved by an e-mail

my dearest best friends,

i miss you, i really do, i just hope you wasn't so consumed with work and college, but i couldn't asked that of you, cos i know you love what you do. me myself i'm doing ok. i've manage this year ok i guess. i've met some interesting new friends myself. and of course as you would probably have guess it, making some new enemies too ahahaha. and the despite all that i still feel a bit lonely.
i'm so glad you've squeeze time to wrote those chunky extra super long e-mail, i really do. and i don't mind really. reading your e-mail is the best thing that happened to me this week. there are so many things i wanted to tell you, i don't know if i should wrote them here and now, cos i feel much better if i could talk to you in person.
oh.. what the heck, here it goes... i don't feel quite myself anymore, i feel like the big M has changed me, (i'm sure you know what i mean). i'm not the old val anymore, i'm more G'ish which i'm not supposed too (i guess). i've been hanging with ppl, who are way out of my league, and i couldn't carry myself. i guess i've been fooling myself, cos i'm trying to be them, which i'm not.
do you remember when we used to talk about them? how we used to avoid being them, because we don't want to be so typical. but on the other hand in order to be accepted is to be one of them... well, that's kinda my sit right now. they tried to convinced me the that i'm one of them, but deep down inside i know i'm not. it's been a constant battle, constant denial. and my mind almost gone mad. i dunno what to do? i hope i can see you b4 or after christmas, so i can tell you what really happened (without the coded words, and please sms P as well, i've lost her number again huhuhu). i'm so sorry that it's a less happy e-mail, cos i don't know whoelse to turn to. and i'm still in the same condition as i was 3 years ago, still wounded but more mature i guess.


oh.. i also will show you some pics from my exhibition >_<

your little friend

-val-