bee merry

happy holidays >_<, everyone.
i know, it's mini.. remind me to post a 'bigger' one. huhuhu.. i still have so much packing to do.

as of next year, we'll be singing a different tune

it was late saturday night, i was still fiddling with that fat bee character i created for my baby nephew, my mom came up to my room and asked me a very simple and honest question. i paused for a second, trying to remember...
then, i sighed and said, 'NO'. my mom nodded, and at that moment i realised, all my effort has been in vain, i've got to stop trying. i give up.

the truth hurts... but it's better this way, it better be now rather than later T_T

i love p, p is my hero

p : wow... morning val..
v : morning?
p : yup, it's very early, never seen u up this early..
v : p, i don't even know what day it is..
p : well, as usuall i'm here for you, incase u need to shout something ^^
v : thanks >_<

i feel a bit pain in my chest earlier, but it doesn't seems to matter now. later on p asked me about the why, when and how come?

v : i know, i'm a bad person, and it's christmas...
p : don't be too hard on urself val.. we're not that mature yet, as long as we still like to procrastinate ^^
v : i love p, p is my hero ^^

me and my friend chris

it seems that the way we've been brought up is different and even sometimes, we're talking in different wave length but believe or not we have a lot more in common than you think...

kamu dia dan kita

hari ini cape jg ya? cape menahan emosi dan berpura2 seperti tdk pernah terjadi apa2, padahal aku tau apa yg sesungguhnya pernah terjadi. sesungguhnya aku bingung. aku suka kantor kecil itu, walaupun sebenarnya aku tak suka pekerjaannya. tapi di sisi lain aku tetap rindu dan mengharapkan ikan yg lbh besar lagi, namun sepertinya aku agak takut utk melangkah. kalau sdh begini, terpaksa aku harus mengatur jadwalku kembali, jadwal yg semenjak kehadiran nya agak sedikit terombang ambing. tapi aku akan tetap setia utk mencari dirimu, giacommo. aku tetap percaya kamu jodohku. aku tau dan aku bisa melihat kamu jauh di depan sana.

poignant memories

i've been fiddling for hours now, trying to find the right words to say goodbye to dora. but i can't, no words could describe her. i do care for her, i love her and i'm going to miss her a lot. she trusted me when no one did. i'm really sorry if i ever doubted you. i hope you like it up there, and i hope i can be there too someday, if faiths allow.

as if i'm a bird

sometimes i envy you, you could just go walkabout, whenever you like, wherever you like with your trusty gray friend. while i can't, i'm stuck, i've chained my self to the ground.

blank

this afternoon at the office, i still smells like his car, and been staring at other ppl's chin and throat, trying to proved his theory. then i went home walking, no not really i just walk until i spotted taxi.

grayziness

it seems that i made more mistake everyday of my life. need to retreat. perhaps compelety. i finally wrote that e-mail, reread it, then sent it.

sunday morning was fun, but i'm having the worst night ever, i got sick, and it got worst, had a 'to be continued..' arguement with my parents. i forgot, i'm not in bne anymore, can't just do everything that i feel like doing...

childish saturday morning

it is a lovely saturday, we (mc, mp and me) was going to spend our sat morning shopping or at least accompanies mp, to do her winter shopping. mp is leaving for germany next tuesday. it was pretty hectic at first because mp changed the time and then she said please val, don't be late this time. but guess what, she was late.. and i get bored waiting, so i changed the place ahahaha... i went to picked up mc at her house, then we went to see mp, but we didn't know that she was already there inside the buliding, so we wait outside.. and when we finally meet up..

mp: what r u guys doing outside?
mc: we chat, a bit catching up...
mp: so which one of you have the most conflict?
v : (i silenty raised my hand)
mp: i thought so... :)

a nice goodbye part 1

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

corinne bailey rae - trouble sleeping

x : so val, apakah project itu berhasil?
v : aku rasa tidak -_- tapi memang dari awal aku sdh berniat utk pergi ke kota itu, setidaknya disana aku bisa memulai sesuatu yg baru...

monday blues

it was a pleasant sunday, i had funch (fun brunch.red) with my family, it's my aunt's birthday.

but it was a lousy monday, i woke up had an argument with my mom. dressed up for work, fully prepared with nano ipod you gave me, my pink 'grandma' cardigan and that blue blanket. from where i sit in is very cold, so that's why i brought reinforcement. hour went by, 1st bad new, i had to changed supplier, 2nd totally using another person's design (which is very bad for my soul), 3rd i found out the awful truth about one of my friend (it seems that my mates know about it but hadn't found the right time to tell me), 4th visa process hasn't been going very smoothly... so i had another argument with my mom.

oh well, i guess i just spend tonight watching house md. at least we have something in common.

mr. blue

Mr. Blue,
I told you that I love you
Please believe me

Mr. Blue,
I have to go now, darling
Don't be angry

I know that you're tired
Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason
So I leave you with a smile
Kiss you on the cheek
and you will call it treason

mr. blue - catherine feeny

an afternoon tea with mr. t

i know i should be working... it's still office hours afterall... instead i was having an afternoon tea with mr. t

well, not literally since we're not in even in the same island. but it felt like the good old days where we were still 2 art students sitting in front of QCA gallery and talking non stop about everything. i see him as talented young designer.. but even he struggles in his own city. i said, same here... and i told him what happened last saturday. then we talked quite a bit about it, it was a relieved for me, we have a same vision, same taste in design, same work ethic and yes of course same mischief minds and ideas...

v : t, u should put more stickers and take more pictures..
t : can't do, it's considered as vandalism here. beside i got no one, it usually a one man show. me doing all the stickers, and put it places, and being chased by the police, don't have time for taking pictures.
v : uh.. i would go with you, if..
t : yeah i know we're not in bne anymore val... it would be nice if you tagged along and documented it... let me know when u're coming to bangkok... by then i should have another project ready to displayed...

detik ini.

hari ini melelahkan, lelah krn tertawa, lelah menangkis smua ucapan2 tdk benar, lelah menangkis dan menyangkal perasaan ku sendiri, lelah karena aku terlalu banyak berpikir, memikiran apa yg telah ku lakukan, lelah memikirkan apa yg harus aku lakukan setelah ini, lelah memikirkan masa depanku, aku lelah berlari lelah pokoknya lelah...

the weekenders

crazy weekend, lack of sleep, anxiously waiting to make my life back on track.. and there's only one song that keeps playing over and over in my head..

everybody wants to be a winner
everybody has a dream
we all need a shinin' star when things ain't what they seem
so tonight we're gonna wish upon a star
we never wished upon before ....

(bryan adams - star)

x : so val should we go and look for one?
v : but it's raining outside..
x : then we go and look for it tomorrow...

secret note #52

if only the world is simple and i could just pour my heart out, i would.

strangely fiction

let me tell you about a dream i had a couple of days ago. i dreamt that i woke up at 11.30am, and i panicked.. i'm late, what excuse should i give to my boss. then... i looked around, i realized that i wasn't in my room, it had queen sized bed, the wall was pastel lime and it had tall windows, simplistic. i did not dare to look at the photographs by the bedside table, too affraid i guess.

i wonder, who's room was it?

secret note #51

she'll laugh even louder when she's sad

it's definitely blue and gray

to be honest, i'm still a bit blue about last saturday. but he's right everything does fall into pieces, every bits and pieces of the puzzle have come together and now i can finally see the big picture.

it seems to me that i will follow his footsteps.. and someone else has followed my footsteps. oh well.. i'm utterly confused... don't you?

you will always be my mystery man

it's sunday, but i manage to get hold of m and asked her to meet up for a bit of chat. as we finished talking and pouring our hearts out... our eyes kinda stare at this guy who somehow seems familiar..

m : val, isn't that E?
v : yeah, it's him, gosh.. he hasn't changed a bit..
m : so aren't you gonna say hi to him?
v : nope
m : why not?
v : he left without saying goodbye... besides, it's been ages, i'm sure he doesn't even remember me...

then we went home

dusty old ewok

well... this is the 3rd weekend in a row that i spend my saturdays working, minimum wage and overtime. 1st and 2nd week was ok, at least i went home with good news, but yesterday was... i dunno, couldn't described it. i was having fun with onisan and his gank, i spend my day laughing, eating, and of course working. but as i went home and sat on a sofa...

x : so how did it go?
v : i didn't get the job, mine was awfull.
x : i'm sure it's not that bad, u did great. i've seen it..v.. what's wrong
v : can i just hug you and not say a word...
we were inaudible for a moment i cried .. then..
x : it's ok, i guess now u know for certain that you make the right decission :)

mr. postman and my secret santa

it was raining all day in southern jakarta, but somehow this envelope manage to find its way to my house. it's a bit damped though... but that doesn't stop my sister's curiosity...


r : so did you get in?
v : no, i haven't even applied yet?
r : did you get in?
v : no, i haven't submit anything
r : so, what's that letter's for?

apearently it's just a notification that there will be an info session on the 24th. and i finally get the hold of my cousin, he's been busy lately, but he promise to help me to book the ticket. also to my surprise he still remembers the game we always play at christmas >_<.

it's nearly the end of the year again... and yes i've got no plans for new year's eve. and i haven't really write much after mr. a told me not to pour my heart out on a pixelated web page.

i am inarticulate

I like you too much
After too little time
I hold back my heart’s crazy rambling
The fear that I should overwhelm your smile
Frightens the spiders inside me

-after all, sondre lerche-

the irresistible

well.. to tell you the truth i finally got the truly 'irresistible' offer. yup my heart wants to yes right away.. but i guess there are more things that i need to reconsider 0_o.

secret note #43

psst... it's a secret..

ur sister...

a lot has happened in this few weeks, well not a lot but not just a few either.
well, i got new resposibilities, and joined a club called chubbyduters, maybe got a secret admire (just maybe..), and i got my old 'subscription' back.

and i was talking to miss c 'america' about her sister, she's a lot like me, and it makes me wonder if she is me in the near future?

really

i just can believe it's really happening... and it's coming sooner rather than later...
i'm going to see you afterall, ommo... ^^

surviving it

i know it all had to stop. but it seemed that i couldn't stop dreaming about it.. dreaming about him..., dreaming about him and it, dreaming about me and him and it, ... dreaming about our it.

usually most of my dreams came true, but i don't think it will... or maybe it will...

good advice

i found a nice webpage full of illustrated advice. click here to see it.

kid

i finally got to see transformer. i actaully quite like it, i'm not the transformer fans, but i like it because it reminds me of my childhood days in borneo. >_<

holland

i was sitting, reading and eating my poridge... and this woman came up to me and asked me if she could sit with me, because all the seats are taken. and i said yes...

that was the 1st time since i left brisbane that i could have a nice conversation with a complete stranger. >_<

it made my day, and i got a new destination to explore... amsterdam >_<

ominous

om·i·nous (adj) suggesting or indicating that something bad is going to happen or be revealed.

i had an ominous moment a few days ago, as i bluntly going to sandra's office. and yes i do have that feeling that it wasn't going to be smooth... and yep, it became true. 0_o

the bird and the bee

is a new band i guess, love some of their songs...

anyway i saw a wonderful website just now, i love it! great colors... feel a bit down, though, because all can draw is this little water drops. and i've actually submit them into a design competition.. oh well 0_0





i put my atm fave song lyrics in it >_<

one.

one question...'why you've always appeared in my dreams?' this is bad, and it got to stop. because i can't see us in the future, there will only be me... and someone else i've never met before.

tragik comik

there was a point b4 the easter holiday that i feel, i'm not smart enough to live my own life 0_0.

kota itu

rasanya aku ingin pergi ke kota itu, aku ingin bertemu dengan nya... memeluknya... dan berkata... terima kasih.

family tree

maybe i should start to built one

sitting buddy

this blog entry is dedicated to miss diane

ahaha.. hi diane, thank you for having such lovely thought >_< for a birthday present...

as years gone by...

sounds like a chessy drama flick, huh ? hihihi.. sorry for that.

i just wanted to say that a year went on very fast, it usually didn't take this fast to go to this time of the year, where u get older >_<

greens

i went to yogya this monday and fly back to jakarta the next day. i had to accompanied my mom to my uncle's funeral... i didn't really know him in person, but everyone said he was a nice person...

funny thing happened... i've graduated last year and i've been a professional designer for over a year and most of my aunts and uncles didn't know that fact? was i always missing? did i get so busy and get very caught up with my life? or maybe because my body size never get bigger after 9th grade, in their minds i'm still the 'little one' ... oh well, i hope that title makes me stay young forever...

i really enjoyed my flight back home, despite the tinny winy bits of wiriness... for the 1st time in years, i can finally see java island from the sky >_<. it's beautiful, the java sea is also beautiful, it has numerous shades of greens, then spots of browns... i wish i had my mom digicam with me... i wish we can all see this everyday...

it feels like we're having an affair...

lost

i just got home from office outings, we watched movie and have dinner together, it was fun, yeah ..it's fun -_-

we watched Lost City, tonight... it got me into thinking, it got me some spirit to actually execute my plans... i've always wanted to lived in another country... by day my heads are filled with plans, but at the end of the day, when i lied down on my back... surrounded by my pillows and my trustworthy blanked... it feel so cozy, and i don't want to go anywhere, i feel safe here -_-

yeah, maybe for some ppl they needed plans but for me... i had too much planning and no guts!!

so not

i'm so not in the mood today...
a friend of mine called, she's heading back to bne this monday, she got a job interview on wednesday. i'm really happy for her job interview, she deserves it, i dunno why am i so emotional she's leaving...

i guess, i'm just worried i'm not be able to see her again... onced she's working and i'm working and the expensiveness of communication these days...

colors

i think everyone should visit this page >_<
i love it

tuition fee

haha... part of my new year's commitment is to try to collect as many info as i can on this school. but. i'm scared to look at the tuition fees section -_-

yup... i need another sleepless night with good pay jobs!

you are a very cool turtle

g-shock

i've been having an uneased feeling. it's like i've done something bad! or something bad is going to happened! but i don't know why?

sunday afternoon by the pond

i was trying to find an old photos of my aunt to show it to my 'lost' cousin (i'll tell u more stories on her after i meet her, oks >_-). i couldn't find my aunt's picture as an adult, i only found her pic when she was just a little girl in rome, with my dad, and my grandparents. somehow it makes me feel like i have to go to italy, sometimes in my life. i wanted to see what my grandmother used to see. i want to be where she was. i want to see her. i've only told this to few of my close friends, that my grandmother died a month b4 i was born. so next stop for me is, new york and rome ahahahaha >_<

so there i was sitting next to fish pond, looking at all of those photos of my family. i'll try to post it sometimes oks >_-

everyone has favorites, but apparently we were never anyone's favorite

my best friend's new year resolution

i thought M was going to sydney for her master this year, so i sms-ed her to asked her when she's leaving. but it turn out that she didn't get the scholarship, so she's not going to sydney this february. then i said to her that we should meet next month (i'm kinda busy with family things this month), she said ok, and she add...
"... one of my new year's resolution is to see you, val."

ahaha.. she's funny, she always had something nice to say to me, in a way that makes me feel important >_<

he's a legend

he's going to singapore this january -_-
ow i wanna watch his concert... but i guess not at this time, andi and linny are planning a wedding in bali, i better saved some money for the wedding >_<

oh well, mr. legend, i guess i'll see you some other time

the bench

we were sitting on a sofa in a cafe..
v : would you like to sit next to me?
x : ok

then we sat next to each other, we order drinks...
x : what's the matter, val?
v : nothing, why you asked?
x : i think it's a bit odd, that we're sitting not facing each other
v : oh... sorry, it's just that i missed that bench...

hi how r u?

i'm emotional, emotional because i'm happy because my friends r getting married, but at the same time i'm also sad and mad because my other friend was dumped by her bf. hmm -_-

happy elephant new year

well.. it's 2007 for real ahahahaha >_<
hmm.. what's ur new year resolution? mine...
...definetely more exercise, at least treadmill and swimming,
...then getting a license,
...then get a better job,
...then save some money for vacation >_<,
...then of course the X factor on finding my own crowd...

gee, that's quite a lot...oh well then Happy New Year