bee merry

happy holidays >_<, everyone.
i know, it's mini.. remind me to post a 'bigger' one. huhuhu.. i still have so much packing to do.

as of next year, we'll be singing a different tune

it was late saturday night, i was still fiddling with that fat bee character i created for my baby nephew, my mom came up to my room and asked me a very simple and honest question. i paused for a second, trying to remember...
then, i sighed and said, 'NO'. my mom nodded, and at that moment i realised, all my effort has been in vain, i've got to stop trying. i give up.

the truth hurts... but it's better this way, it better be now rather than later T_T

i love p, p is my hero

p : wow... morning val..
v : morning?
p : yup, it's very early, never seen u up this early..
v : p, i don't even know what day it is..
p : well, as usuall i'm here for you, incase u need to shout something ^^
v : thanks >_<

i feel a bit pain in my chest earlier, but it doesn't seems to matter now. later on p asked me about the why, when and how come?

v : i know, i'm a bad person, and it's christmas...
p : don't be too hard on urself val.. we're not that mature yet, as long as we still like to procrastinate ^^
v : i love p, p is my hero ^^

me and my friend chris

it seems that the way we've been brought up is different and even sometimes, we're talking in different wave length but believe or not we have a lot more in common than you think...

kamu dia dan kita

hari ini cape jg ya? cape menahan emosi dan berpura2 seperti tdk pernah terjadi apa2, padahal aku tau apa yg sesungguhnya pernah terjadi. sesungguhnya aku bingung. aku suka kantor kecil itu, walaupun sebenarnya aku tak suka pekerjaannya. tapi di sisi lain aku tetap rindu dan mengharapkan ikan yg lbh besar lagi, namun sepertinya aku agak takut utk melangkah. kalau sdh begini, terpaksa aku harus mengatur jadwalku kembali, jadwal yg semenjak kehadiran nya agak sedikit terombang ambing. tapi aku akan tetap setia utk mencari dirimu, giacommo. aku tetap percaya kamu jodohku. aku tau dan aku bisa melihat kamu jauh di depan sana.

poignant memories

i've been fiddling for hours now, trying to find the right words to say goodbye to dora. but i can't, no words could describe her. i do care for her, i love her and i'm going to miss her a lot. she trusted me when no one did. i'm really sorry if i ever doubted you. i hope you like it up there, and i hope i can be there too someday, if faiths allow.

as if i'm a bird

sometimes i envy you, you could just go walkabout, whenever you like, wherever you like with your trusty gray friend. while i can't, i'm stuck, i've chained my self to the ground.

blank

this afternoon at the office, i still smells like his car, and been staring at other ppl's chin and throat, trying to proved his theory. then i went home walking, no not really i just walk until i spotted taxi.

grayziness

it seems that i made more mistake everyday of my life. need to retreat. perhaps compelety. i finally wrote that e-mail, reread it, then sent it.

sunday morning was fun, but i'm having the worst night ever, i got sick, and it got worst, had a 'to be continued..' arguement with my parents. i forgot, i'm not in bne anymore, can't just do everything that i feel like doing...

childish saturday morning

it is a lovely saturday, we (mc, mp and me) was going to spend our sat morning shopping or at least accompanies mp, to do her winter shopping. mp is leaving for germany next tuesday. it was pretty hectic at first because mp changed the time and then she said please val, don't be late this time. but guess what, she was late.. and i get bored waiting, so i changed the place ahahaha... i went to picked up mc at her house, then we went to see mp, but we didn't know that she was already there inside the buliding, so we wait outside.. and when we finally meet up..

mp: what r u guys doing outside?
mc: we chat, a bit catching up...
mp: so which one of you have the most conflict?
v : (i silenty raised my hand)
mp: i thought so... :)

a nice goodbye part 1

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

corinne bailey rae - trouble sleeping

x : so val, apakah project itu berhasil?
v : aku rasa tidak -_- tapi memang dari awal aku sdh berniat utk pergi ke kota itu, setidaknya disana aku bisa memulai sesuatu yg baru...

monday blues

it was a pleasant sunday, i had funch (fun brunch.red) with my family, it's my aunt's birthday.

but it was a lousy monday, i woke up had an argument with my mom. dressed up for work, fully prepared with nano ipod you gave me, my pink 'grandma' cardigan and that blue blanket. from where i sit in is very cold, so that's why i brought reinforcement. hour went by, 1st bad new, i had to changed supplier, 2nd totally using another person's design (which is very bad for my soul), 3rd i found out the awful truth about one of my friend (it seems that my mates know about it but hadn't found the right time to tell me), 4th visa process hasn't been going very smoothly... so i had another argument with my mom.

oh well, i guess i just spend tonight watching house md. at least we have something in common.

mr. blue

Mr. Blue,
I told you that I love you
Please believe me

Mr. Blue,
I have to go now, darling
Don't be angry

I know that you're tired
Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason
So I leave you with a smile
Kiss you on the cheek
and you will call it treason

mr. blue - catherine feeny

an afternoon tea with mr. t

i know i should be working... it's still office hours afterall... instead i was having an afternoon tea with mr. t

well, not literally since we're not in even in the same island. but it felt like the good old days where we were still 2 art students sitting in front of QCA gallery and talking non stop about everything. i see him as talented young designer.. but even he struggles in his own city. i said, same here... and i told him what happened last saturday. then we talked quite a bit about it, it was a relieved for me, we have a same vision, same taste in design, same work ethic and yes of course same mischief minds and ideas...

v : t, u should put more stickers and take more pictures..
t : can't do, it's considered as vandalism here. beside i got no one, it usually a one man show. me doing all the stickers, and put it places, and being chased by the police, don't have time for taking pictures.
v : uh.. i would go with you, if..
t : yeah i know we're not in bne anymore val... it would be nice if you tagged along and documented it... let me know when u're coming to bangkok... by then i should have another project ready to displayed...

detik ini.

hari ini melelahkan, lelah krn tertawa, lelah menangkis smua ucapan2 tdk benar, lelah menangkis dan menyangkal perasaan ku sendiri, lelah karena aku terlalu banyak berpikir, memikiran apa yg telah ku lakukan, lelah memikirkan apa yg harus aku lakukan setelah ini, lelah memikirkan masa depanku, aku lelah berlari lelah pokoknya lelah...

the weekenders

crazy weekend, lack of sleep, anxiously waiting to make my life back on track.. and there's only one song that keeps playing over and over in my head..

everybody wants to be a winner
everybody has a dream
we all need a shinin' star when things ain't what they seem
so tonight we're gonna wish upon a star
we never wished upon before ....

(bryan adams - star)

x : so val should we go and look for one?
v : but it's raining outside..
x : then we go and look for it tomorrow...

secret note #52

if only the world is simple and i could just pour my heart out, i would.

strangely fiction

let me tell you about a dream i had a couple of days ago. i dreamt that i woke up at 11.30am, and i panicked.. i'm late, what excuse should i give to my boss. then... i looked around, i realized that i wasn't in my room, it had queen sized bed, the wall was pastel lime and it had tall windows, simplistic. i did not dare to look at the photographs by the bedside table, too affraid i guess.

i wonder, who's room was it?

secret note #51

she'll laugh even louder when she's sad