destination : london

... all i know is i don't want to be here right now. i don't want to have to face tomorrow, i don't to have to deal with grief of losing... i don't want to have all those crazy thoughts of...i don't even want to have to deal with my own memory of...

i want to be in london, where i can go on a merry go round on that picadilly circus, i want to be in london, where you will picked me up by the corner of churchill st and we will go book hunting all day.

i (heart) valcory

i did it...
i'm sorry... good bye.

shall we go...

i found my old painting tools plus those blank canvases. there's a box sitting next to it, an old box with stashes of old photos of my grandparents.
i look at them and wept... i want to see my grandma, my aunts says she's funny. i can see that in the picture. she's standing in front of a garden, somewhere in rome and she's wearing kebaya in the middle of spring. i giggles...
i guess oddness in fashion sense runs in the family ^^

so, darling.. shall we go to italy for our honeymoon >___< (please)

an OST.

i know i shouldn't probably published this... but it's my theme song at the moment... after countlessly sung meaningless songs... i found this old record on the stacks of his mp3.

...
It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you...

toto - i'll be over you

me and my room

my room looks like a... ehehe.. i'm so ashame...

you can only imagine what would it be like if you put all the stuff that used to be in my one bedroom apt, to a tiny room ^^. they all still in boxes. plus.. there are also stuff that is not mine. so it's a complete mess...

and while i'm cleaning.. i found:
... lucky charm my aunt made for me
... old photographs of my dad in italy ^^
... my old embarassing library card
... whole other stuff, i shouldn't mention here ^^

blank stares into an empty page

been sitting for hours staring at each others... nothing came up... nothing

the little girl with the big red thing on her hands

i got nothing to do until my meeting at 2pm... still feeling a bit nervous over nothing... so i decide to write a short play instead (this was based on the conversation i had on the weekend).

the little girl with the big red thing on her hands
v : it was broken, but i think it's alright now
r : good then, you can give it to someone else
v : no, that person might break it too
r : maybe but think it should be alright now, it's getting stronger.. it won't break easily
v : no can't do. i'm going to keep it for myself now..
r : for how long? u can't keep that thing to urself forever, val. you'll be lonely... you should give it to other person 1st, then perhaps you'll get a new one you can keep.. maybe perhaps forever...
v : (stay perfectly still and then she gave up her hands)

another episode of...

... lost

once you get older, all of it is up to you to decide... and you will also hold the consequences. but before that, there is other things you should consider b4 making up ur mind... and those thing makes it even harder to decide. i'm truly are lost...

the lucky one

i had a long talked with mr.r over the weekend.. first we only went through the lenses... we argued, but still can't manage to make a desicion over which lens should be use for what...i sighed, it seems to be a very long pointless conversation
then he suddenly said i'm the lucky one... i disagree and then soon we started rambling on about each others misfortune... then there it was we had one thing in common... misfortune... hmm oh well, at least he loosen up a bit and taught me a valuable lesson as well ^^.

end

"i think u've done enough"
"yeah, i think so too.."

and that was the end of it...

to the open road

i'm not feeling very well... more roads are opening up...
too many perhaps for me to choose
i'm not feeling very well, too much bad substance inhaled...
i'm not feeling very well, too many white lies spoke, too many things left unspoken, not many space left for me to pour my heart out...

chasing pavements - adele

Ive made up my mind
dont need to think it over
if im wrong i am right
dont need to look no further
this aint lust i know this is love

but if i tell the world
i'll never say enough
cos it was not said to you
and thats exactly what i need to do
if i end up with you

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

i build myself up
and fly around in circles
waiting as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

or should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

yeaaah ehh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep on chasing pavements
should i just keep on chasing pavements

ohhhh ohh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

the big fish

happy b-day val ^^

i guess it's time to make the big wish.. i'm old enough to do that now ahahaha >__<
thank you all, everybody seems to remembered what today is. even the x(es) *sigh*... and then the very long *sigh*...

someday val.. someday you'll find someone that you can just be urself.. no more hiding and you can just burst out like a fireworks and it all will be ok >___<

* poof *

*poof* and all is gone...

i told mr. bear what miss s. told me this morning... he was so excited, we got excited actually... then i gave him something, something that only he and i knew... ahaha it was silly actually, but it mean the world to me... >___<

and *poof* all is gone

the tribal council

everything seems to be wrong, even when i try to do something good. what should i do?

walking christmas tree

i finally decided to get out of the house today, i've been in bed rest for 2 days... and i look like a walking christmas tree, coned shaped body, green stripes jacket with orange red t-shirt underneath it. and yes my nose still in its pink 'rudolph' like nose.

it's day 3 in this not working life and i got plenty of things to do.. but can't concentrate doing anything either... oh and yes... i hate sunsets.. i really do...

maybe next wednesday, i'll kiss you...

i'm still in bed rest... silently humming this song by meiko...

Every little thing I do, I do for you
With every little thing I think a thought of you

And I try so hard not to notice
I try so hard not to care
I try so hard not to know that you're not here

But I'm counting down the hours
And I'm counting up the days
I try so hard not to show this side of me

Jealous of the way they walk, the way they talk
'Cause I don't think they know just what they got
Jealous of the way they look, the way they are
When I just want to be the way we were

And I try so hard not to notice
I try so hard not to care
I try so hard not to know that you're not here...

then, something pops up on my screen...
x : val are you in love?
v : maybe..
x : who's the lucky guy?
v : no one in particular
x : that's a bit strange, but it's very you alright... hey val..
v : yeah..
x : about that guy, i think... he never met a specimen like you, so he doesn't know what to do with you...
v : thanks, i guess.. a specimen (o_0)?

it's monday, i love you

i was just finished watching house md, re-runs. and it ends with chase saying "it's tuesday, i love you.." it sounds nice ^^, it's monday, i love you...

it's been a really weird monday morning, i couldn't wake up and it strange because it's ok, i don't have to go to work today, or tomorrow or the day after... my throat sore, couldn't stop coughing and sneezing, and i missed my friend chris thinking maybe chris is not real, maybe he is just a fragment of my imagination...

oh well... i found the perfect soundtrack for today

(heart)

all i got to say is.. "i'm sorry, i (heart) you.."

27

i think the other mike is trying to brainwashed me 0_o

everything is blue and gray

i paint my eyes gray today... for some given the certain angle it look blue...

c is still angry, i guess she's very angry, i would too if something like this happened to her. the girl sitting next to me also begins to rambling the same song, to tell you the truth i've never regret anything that has happened in my life even when by the end of the day i'm heartbroken... i admit i was wrong...

i was talking to the other mike about his utopian dream, and why i shouldn't go to boston... been having second thoughts... hmmm... but then i remembered that everything will unfold by itself... i just got to keep my gray eyes opened...

red cross

i'm injured and i'm dizzy.. just dizzy.. bzzzzzzzz

mr. o called me this evening, the usual stuff hi how r u? any new song, little dude? i said 'no', i'm dizzy and out of work... and he said don't worry, i'll call u if something came up... my eyes turn green..

you or someone like you

"you were not who i thought you were"
i was listening to sarah bareilles - love song over and over again, and those words were the only one that i could catch...

i've always known to attract certain types of ppl, whenever i go... dunno what, but there's something in me that made them feel homy. i don't mind really ^^. but you are special case... even i can't help you, even now i wanted so much to belief in you, but what i heard and i see in fact says otherwise...

so i guess it's time to really says good bye...
"good bye to you, or someone like you"

me and my utopian dream

"kamu terlalu baik untukku" i couldn't get it out of my head...

and so it was over, to be frank i was going to break up with him too, but i was going to do it nicely, something that would put a smile in his face, eventhough i'm saying goodbye. that's why i'm stalling ... but he beat me to it...

it was 2am and i was still tossing and turning last night reminiscing... what happened yesterday when i walked in to the office, i told them what happened, and as i looked into their eyes, then i remembered what i told c and how she reacted.. even sal and iddo (to be honest i don't know iddo very well) reacted the same way... i sighed and stare and there they are... my own crowd, the thing i've always wanted, the place where i belong. i smiled and i feel loved... i just got dumped but i feel loved >_< and then i went back to sleep.

there are a lot of things i want to write... i guess it'll have to wait, oneisan is giving her words of advise...

the door

mr. darcy gave me this, this afternoon

Let my love open the door - sondre lerche

When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart I have the only key to your heart

I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door

It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only one thing's gonna set you free
That's my love
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

ps. i'll see u soon val :)

shoreline

Shoreline - Deas Vail

So you say I’m better off here,
as dry as the shoreline in an ocean of fear.
And so you say that I can’t be alive
Until there is nothing when we’re meeting eyes
Again
And day by day I wander these halls,
And you’re casting a shadow onto every wall.
And all the way you ring in my ear,
from the moment I knew you were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.
You were leaving me here.

This give and take, this waiting on time
It’s this twisted up memory that I can’t unwind.
These fragile words that fall from my mouth
And I’m crumbling and crowded, but I’ve figured you out.
I've figured you out.
I've figured you out.
I've figured you out.

The shoreline calls the sea
For simple words and company,
But words go on and on,
Till they collide and all is gone.
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.

The shoreline calls the sea
For simple words and company,
But words go on and on,
Till they collide and all is gone.
I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.

I dive into the deep—into the sea inside of me
To find another song,
To find a place where I belong.

c gave this to me this morning...

i (heart) u

it's over..and i can't do this all on my own.. i'm no superman...

(heart) is a very powerful words, even villains have it sometimes. but hey i guess it's save to say now, that yesterday i dreamed someone was helping me throughout my college application process, holding my hands, accompanied me doing this and that, greeted my friends, and i don't know who he is but he was not you...

let's go out and play

v : e, everyone's been talking behind my back
e : that's what ppl do, val..
v : -_- *sigh
e : forget about it.. wanna go out 2morrow nite? i think u need a drink or two or a few
v : agree -_-

me and my lunch box

d : so where we off to today?
v : dunno, somewhere quite and roomy, i got asthma
d : yeah roomy is good, so.. southbank? the usual bench?

i miss d.. haven't talk to her in ages...

dormant

i'm dormant, it's been like this since last year, since.. hmm.. i don't know maybe i've never been fully awake. i am dormant, silently hibernating and sinking deep in my own fantasy. perhaps that's why i never knew you exist, and you are real, as real as i am.

corrupted mind

power corrupt, absolute power corrupt absolutely. and i am ashame of myself.

the story with the eraserhead

there i've said it. she said it too, full report, bad news...
yup and this kind of bad news always come at times when i need more support T_T
single fighter as always... as always...

and i will erase him with an eraserhead.

almost lover

...
well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be
so long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should have known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do...

-a fine frenzy-

the complication of mr.a

c :what is up with u and mr. a?
v :nothing..
c :nothing, huh? well.. it seems, val.. that he is the only one who knows how to keep you grounded..
v :hmmm... *sigh -_-"

super mom

ok, the title has nothing to do with the lines bellow.. i just put that there because that's what it says in my fb page xp.

c's been telling me the same things she always told me since she realised i had 'that syndrome'. i wonder if it's too late now to back away, but can i back away, now that i finally now for sure where it's heading? and apparently s is having the problems i would have to handle if i pressed on, well not to that extreme.. but it pretty much the same picture. and i just want to lived my life the way it supposed to happened.. embracing more troubles ^^ .. crazy..

candy

yesterday was sweet... the ice is melting and i've been kissed...

it's old

i was managing my old e-mails, i had a folder called 'stuff' it was mostly all my application and confirmation e-mail from QIBT and QCA, but one got in slipped in and as i read i smiled.. someone onced called me his little confused girl and it was back in 2001, and i don't even remembered him >__<.

let it snow

overexcited.. yup just overexcited...

skeptic.phonics

this is a series of a quicky updates:
1. mr. bear has finally found his match
2. i don't know what am i going to do when i get to boston
3. everyone's been yelling at me and asked me to 'stop' and 'disappear'.

eyecatching...

oh well, saturday morning...
got new 'funny'/ridiculous pick up lines..
x : u have a very cool msn title
v : really?
x : yeah, very eyecatching...
x : ^^

i've known him since middle school, and he had never ever talked to me..

gray day

'dead style' office, huhuhu -_-' we got 2 new comers. dunno how i should greet them, i'm just not in the mood, and i got so many deadlines, and things on my head.

miss. i, finally knows about me and chris spending new year's eve together. my bad -_-' (sorry chris, it seems i'm nothing but trouble for you). which then made me think maybe i should permanently sign off..

and the rest is silent

i don't know how i should begin to write all that has happened to me in 2007 and how i spend my new year's eve. long story short, i finally landed safe and sound at jakarta, and as i was silently watching the traffic.. my phone rang, i got an sms, saying "... gue pingin ngabisin taun sama loe aja..."

so there i was, spending the last of 2007 with chris, we were both sick, dunno were to go, what to do. and he was a bit annoying, by assuming things i have never ever done in my life. to be honest, all of it just add another question marks in my head.

oh well, we'll see how things go... i guess i should just silently watching... minding my own business..

bee merry

happy holidays >_<, everyone.
i know, it's mini.. remind me to post a 'bigger' one. huhuhu.. i still have so much packing to do.

as of next year, we'll be singing a different tune

it was late saturday night, i was still fiddling with that fat bee character i created for my baby nephew, my mom came up to my room and asked me a very simple and honest question. i paused for a second, trying to remember...
then, i sighed and said, 'NO'. my mom nodded, and at that moment i realised, all my effort has been in vain, i've got to stop trying. i give up.

the truth hurts... but it's better this way, it better be now rather than later T_T

i love p, p is my hero

p : wow... morning val..
v : morning?
p : yup, it's very early, never seen u up this early..
v : p, i don't even know what day it is..
p : well, as usuall i'm here for you, incase u need to shout something ^^
v : thanks >_<

i feel a bit pain in my chest earlier, but it doesn't seems to matter now. later on p asked me about the why, when and how come?

v : i know, i'm a bad person, and it's christmas...
p : don't be too hard on urself val.. we're not that mature yet, as long as we still like to procrastinate ^^
v : i love p, p is my hero ^^

me and my friend chris

it seems that the way we've been brought up is different and even sometimes, we're talking in different wave length but believe or not we have a lot more in common than you think...

kamu dia dan kita

hari ini cape jg ya? cape menahan emosi dan berpura2 seperti tdk pernah terjadi apa2, padahal aku tau apa yg sesungguhnya pernah terjadi. sesungguhnya aku bingung. aku suka kantor kecil itu, walaupun sebenarnya aku tak suka pekerjaannya. tapi di sisi lain aku tetap rindu dan mengharapkan ikan yg lbh besar lagi, namun sepertinya aku agak takut utk melangkah. kalau sdh begini, terpaksa aku harus mengatur jadwalku kembali, jadwal yg semenjak kehadiran nya agak sedikit terombang ambing. tapi aku akan tetap setia utk mencari dirimu, giacommo. aku tetap percaya kamu jodohku. aku tau dan aku bisa melihat kamu jauh di depan sana.

poignant memories

i've been fiddling for hours now, trying to find the right words to say goodbye to dora. but i can't, no words could describe her. i do care for her, i love her and i'm going to miss her a lot. she trusted me when no one did. i'm really sorry if i ever doubted you. i hope you like it up there, and i hope i can be there too someday, if faiths allow.

as if i'm a bird

sometimes i envy you, you could just go walkabout, whenever you like, wherever you like with your trusty gray friend. while i can't, i'm stuck, i've chained my self to the ground.

blank

this afternoon at the office, i still smells like his car, and been staring at other ppl's chin and throat, trying to proved his theory. then i went home walking, no not really i just walk until i spotted taxi.

grayziness

it seems that i made more mistake everyday of my life. need to retreat. perhaps compelety. i finally wrote that e-mail, reread it, then sent it.

sunday morning was fun, but i'm having the worst night ever, i got sick, and it got worst, had a 'to be continued..' arguement with my parents. i forgot, i'm not in bne anymore, can't just do everything that i feel like doing...

childish saturday morning

it is a lovely saturday, we (mc, mp and me) was going to spend our sat morning shopping or at least accompanies mp, to do her winter shopping. mp is leaving for germany next tuesday. it was pretty hectic at first because mp changed the time and then she said please val, don't be late this time. but guess what, she was late.. and i get bored waiting, so i changed the place ahahaha... i went to picked up mc at her house, then we went to see mp, but we didn't know that she was already there inside the buliding, so we wait outside.. and when we finally meet up..

mp: what r u guys doing outside?
mc: we chat, a bit catching up...
mp: so which one of you have the most conflict?
v : (i silenty raised my hand)
mp: i thought so... :)

a nice goodbye part 1

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

corinne bailey rae - trouble sleeping

x : so val, apakah project itu berhasil?
v : aku rasa tidak -_- tapi memang dari awal aku sdh berniat utk pergi ke kota itu, setidaknya disana aku bisa memulai sesuatu yg baru...

monday blues

it was a pleasant sunday, i had funch (fun brunch.red) with my family, it's my aunt's birthday.

but it was a lousy monday, i woke up had an argument with my mom. dressed up for work, fully prepared with nano ipod you gave me, my pink 'grandma' cardigan and that blue blanket. from where i sit in is very cold, so that's why i brought reinforcement. hour went by, 1st bad new, i had to changed supplier, 2nd totally using another person's design (which is very bad for my soul), 3rd i found out the awful truth about one of my friend (it seems that my mates know about it but hadn't found the right time to tell me), 4th visa process hasn't been going very smoothly... so i had another argument with my mom.

oh well, i guess i just spend tonight watching house md. at least we have something in common.

mr. blue

Mr. Blue,
I told you that I love you
Please believe me

Mr. Blue,
I have to go now, darling
Don't be angry

I know that you're tired
Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason
So I leave you with a smile
Kiss you on the cheek
and you will call it treason

mr. blue - catherine feeny

an afternoon tea with mr. t

i know i should be working... it's still office hours afterall... instead i was having an afternoon tea with mr. t

well, not literally since we're not in even in the same island. but it felt like the good old days where we were still 2 art students sitting in front of QCA gallery and talking non stop about everything. i see him as talented young designer.. but even he struggles in his own city. i said, same here... and i told him what happened last saturday. then we talked quite a bit about it, it was a relieved for me, we have a same vision, same taste in design, same work ethic and yes of course same mischief minds and ideas...

v : t, u should put more stickers and take more pictures..
t : can't do, it's considered as vandalism here. beside i got no one, it usually a one man show. me doing all the stickers, and put it places, and being chased by the police, don't have time for taking pictures.
v : uh.. i would go with you, if..
t : yeah i know we're not in bne anymore val... it would be nice if you tagged along and documented it... let me know when u're coming to bangkok... by then i should have another project ready to displayed...

detik ini.

hari ini melelahkan, lelah krn tertawa, lelah menangkis smua ucapan2 tdk benar, lelah menangkis dan menyangkal perasaan ku sendiri, lelah karena aku terlalu banyak berpikir, memikiran apa yg telah ku lakukan, lelah memikirkan apa yg harus aku lakukan setelah ini, lelah memikirkan masa depanku, aku lelah berlari lelah pokoknya lelah...

the weekenders

crazy weekend, lack of sleep, anxiously waiting to make my life back on track.. and there's only one song that keeps playing over and over in my head..

everybody wants to be a winner
everybody has a dream
we all need a shinin' star when things ain't what they seem
so tonight we're gonna wish upon a star
we never wished upon before ....

(bryan adams - star)

x : so val should we go and look for one?
v : but it's raining outside..
x : then we go and look for it tomorrow...

secret note #52

if only the world is simple and i could just pour my heart out, i would.

strangely fiction

let me tell you about a dream i had a couple of days ago. i dreamt that i woke up at 11.30am, and i panicked.. i'm late, what excuse should i give to my boss. then... i looked around, i realized that i wasn't in my room, it had queen sized bed, the wall was pastel lime and it had tall windows, simplistic. i did not dare to look at the photographs by the bedside table, too affraid i guess.

i wonder, who's room was it?

secret note #51

she'll laugh even louder when she's sad

it's definitely blue and gray

to be honest, i'm still a bit blue about last saturday. but he's right everything does fall into pieces, every bits and pieces of the puzzle have come together and now i can finally see the big picture.

it seems to me that i will follow his footsteps.. and someone else has followed my footsteps. oh well.. i'm utterly confused... don't you?

you will always be my mystery man

it's sunday, but i manage to get hold of m and asked her to meet up for a bit of chat. as we finished talking and pouring our hearts out... our eyes kinda stare at this guy who somehow seems familiar..

m : val, isn't that E?
v : yeah, it's him, gosh.. he hasn't changed a bit..
m : so aren't you gonna say hi to him?
v : nope
m : why not?
v : he left without saying goodbye... besides, it's been ages, i'm sure he doesn't even remember me...

then we went home

dusty old ewok

well... this is the 3rd weekend in a row that i spend my saturdays working, minimum wage and overtime. 1st and 2nd week was ok, at least i went home with good news, but yesterday was... i dunno, couldn't described it. i was having fun with onisan and his gank, i spend my day laughing, eating, and of course working. but as i went home and sat on a sofa...

x : so how did it go?
v : i didn't get the job, mine was awfull.
x : i'm sure it's not that bad, u did great. i've seen it..v.. what's wrong
v : can i just hug you and not say a word...
we were inaudible for a moment i cried .. then..
x : it's ok, i guess now u know for certain that you make the right decission :)

mr. postman and my secret santa

it was raining all day in southern jakarta, but somehow this envelope manage to find its way to my house. it's a bit damped though... but that doesn't stop my sister's curiosity...


r : so did you get in?
v : no, i haven't even applied yet?
r : did you get in?
v : no, i haven't submit anything
r : so, what's that letter's for?

apearently it's just a notification that there will be an info session on the 24th. and i finally get the hold of my cousin, he's been busy lately, but he promise to help me to book the ticket. also to my surprise he still remembers the game we always play at christmas >_<.

it's nearly the end of the year again... and yes i've got no plans for new year's eve. and i haven't really write much after mr. a told me not to pour my heart out on a pixelated web page.

i am inarticulate

I like you too much
After too little time
I hold back my heart’s crazy rambling
The fear that I should overwhelm your smile
Frightens the spiders inside me

-after all, sondre lerche-

the irresistible

well.. to tell you the truth i finally got the truly 'irresistible' offer. yup my heart wants to yes right away.. but i guess there are more things that i need to reconsider 0_o.

secret note #43

psst... it's a secret..

ur sister...

a lot has happened in this few weeks, well not a lot but not just a few either.
well, i got new resposibilities, and joined a club called chubbyduters, maybe got a secret admire (just maybe..), and i got my old 'subscription' back.

and i was talking to miss c 'america' about her sister, she's a lot like me, and it makes me wonder if she is me in the near future?

really

i just can believe it's really happening... and it's coming sooner rather than later...
i'm going to see you afterall, ommo... ^^

surviving it

i know it all had to stop. but it seemed that i couldn't stop dreaming about it.. dreaming about him..., dreaming about him and it, dreaming about me and him and it, ... dreaming about our it.

usually most of my dreams came true, but i don't think it will... or maybe it will...

good advice

i found a nice webpage full of illustrated advice. click here to see it.

kid

i finally got to see transformer. i actaully quite like it, i'm not the transformer fans, but i like it because it reminds me of my childhood days in borneo. >_<

holland

i was sitting, reading and eating my poridge... and this woman came up to me and asked me if she could sit with me, because all the seats are taken. and i said yes...

that was the 1st time since i left brisbane that i could have a nice conversation with a complete stranger. >_<

it made my day, and i got a new destination to explore... amsterdam >_<

ominous

om·i·nous (adj) suggesting or indicating that something bad is going to happen or be revealed.

i had an ominous moment a few days ago, as i bluntly going to sandra's office. and yes i do have that feeling that it wasn't going to be smooth... and yep, it became true. 0_o

the bird and the bee

is a new band i guess, love some of their songs...

anyway i saw a wonderful website just now, i love it! great colors... feel a bit down, though, because all can draw is this little water drops. and i've actually submit them into a design competition.. oh well 0_0





i put my atm fave song lyrics in it >_<

one.

one question...'why you've always appeared in my dreams?' this is bad, and it got to stop. because i can't see us in the future, there will only be me... and someone else i've never met before.

tragik comik

there was a point b4 the easter holiday that i feel, i'm not smart enough to live my own life 0_0.

kota itu

rasanya aku ingin pergi ke kota itu, aku ingin bertemu dengan nya... memeluknya... dan berkata... terima kasih.

family tree

maybe i should start to built one

sitting buddy

this blog entry is dedicated to miss diane

ahaha.. hi diane, thank you for having such lovely thought >_< for a birthday present...

as years gone by...

sounds like a chessy drama flick, huh ? hihihi.. sorry for that.

i just wanted to say that a year went on very fast, it usually didn't take this fast to go to this time of the year, where u get older >_<

greens

i went to yogya this monday and fly back to jakarta the next day. i had to accompanied my mom to my uncle's funeral... i didn't really know him in person, but everyone said he was a nice person...

funny thing happened... i've graduated last year and i've been a professional designer for over a year and most of my aunts and uncles didn't know that fact? was i always missing? did i get so busy and get very caught up with my life? or maybe because my body size never get bigger after 9th grade, in their minds i'm still the 'little one' ... oh well, i hope that title makes me stay young forever...

i really enjoyed my flight back home, despite the tinny winy bits of wiriness... for the 1st time in years, i can finally see java island from the sky >_<. it's beautiful, the java sea is also beautiful, it has numerous shades of greens, then spots of browns... i wish i had my mom digicam with me... i wish we can all see this everyday...

it feels like we're having an affair...

lost

i just got home from office outings, we watched movie and have dinner together, it was fun, yeah ..it's fun -_-

we watched Lost City, tonight... it got me into thinking, it got me some spirit to actually execute my plans... i've always wanted to lived in another country... by day my heads are filled with plans, but at the end of the day, when i lied down on my back... surrounded by my pillows and my trustworthy blanked... it feel so cozy, and i don't want to go anywhere, i feel safe here -_-

yeah, maybe for some ppl they needed plans but for me... i had too much planning and no guts!!

so not

i'm so not in the mood today...
a friend of mine called, she's heading back to bne this monday, she got a job interview on wednesday. i'm really happy for her job interview, she deserves it, i dunno why am i so emotional she's leaving...

i guess, i'm just worried i'm not be able to see her again... onced she's working and i'm working and the expensiveness of communication these days...

colors

i think everyone should visit this page >_<
i love it

tuition fee

haha... part of my new year's commitment is to try to collect as many info as i can on this school. but. i'm scared to look at the tuition fees section -_-

yup... i need another sleepless night with good pay jobs!

you are a very cool turtle

g-shock

i've been having an uneased feeling. it's like i've done something bad! or something bad is going to happened! but i don't know why?

sunday afternoon by the pond

i was trying to find an old photos of my aunt to show it to my 'lost' cousin (i'll tell u more stories on her after i meet her, oks >_-). i couldn't find my aunt's picture as an adult, i only found her pic when she was just a little girl in rome, with my dad, and my grandparents. somehow it makes me feel like i have to go to italy, sometimes in my life. i wanted to see what my grandmother used to see. i want to be where she was. i want to see her. i've only told this to few of my close friends, that my grandmother died a month b4 i was born. so next stop for me is, new york and rome ahahahaha >_<

so there i was sitting next to fish pond, looking at all of those photos of my family. i'll try to post it sometimes oks >_-

everyone has favorites, but apparently we were never anyone's favorite

my best friend's new year resolution

i thought M was going to sydney for her master this year, so i sms-ed her to asked her when she's leaving. but it turn out that she didn't get the scholarship, so she's not going to sydney this february. then i said to her that we should meet next month (i'm kinda busy with family things this month), she said ok, and she add...
"... one of my new year's resolution is to see you, val."

ahaha.. she's funny, she always had something nice to say to me, in a way that makes me feel important >_<

he's a legend

he's going to singapore this january -_-
ow i wanna watch his concert... but i guess not at this time, andi and linny are planning a wedding in bali, i better saved some money for the wedding >_<

oh well, mr. legend, i guess i'll see you some other time

the bench

we were sitting on a sofa in a cafe..
v : would you like to sit next to me?
x : ok

then we sat next to each other, we order drinks...
x : what's the matter, val?
v : nothing, why you asked?
x : i think it's a bit odd, that we're sitting not facing each other
v : oh... sorry, it's just that i missed that bench...

hi how r u?

i'm emotional, emotional because i'm happy because my friends r getting married, but at the same time i'm also sad and mad because my other friend was dumped by her bf. hmm -_-

happy elephant new year

well.. it's 2007 for real ahahahaha >_<
hmm.. what's ur new year resolution? mine...
...definetely more exercise, at least treadmill and swimming,
...then getting a license,
...then get a better job,
...then save some money for vacation >_<,
...then of course the X factor on finding my own crowd...

gee, that's quite a lot...oh well then Happy New Year